


Starboy

by shulkie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alien Abduction, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-05
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2018-02-24 05:02:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2569121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shulkie/pseuds/shulkie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In 1996, my boyfriend Eren Jaeger was abducted. In 2014, he suddenly reappeared. Only, he’s still sixteen and what’s more, he doesn't remember anything that happened to him during his disappearance. This is a story about first loves, humanity, and maybe-alien boyfriends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is kindof a cross between Flight of the Navigator, 13 Going on 30, Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Peter Pan, E.T. and Cocoon. If you don't know what any of those things are, then congrats, this fic is perfect for you.
> 
> My tumblr is [perksofbeingawaifu](http://perksofbeingawaifu.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Tracking tag is #fic: starboy
> 
> If you like, please leave kudos or comments!

When I was sixteen I thought I found love.

That’s not unusual. Sixteen-year-olds fall in love all the time. And they fall out of love all the time. But I was so, _so_ sure ours was different.

I was a moron.

It happened innocently enough. He was the local doctor’s son and in September 1996 he was officially the only “out” boy in our high school and I’ll admit my curiosity was piqued. Our high school was relatively small and thus naturally a “real gay!” made him a minor celebrity in our halls. And it was the 90s so everyone was super understanding and very aware and very self-congratulatory on how understanding and how aware they were. Pats on the backs all around. Of course the backlash started almost immediately.

“He’s not really gay,” one girl informed everyone in a loud whisper. “He’s just doing it to get attention.”

“It’s fucking genius really,” I overheard one boy telling his buds. “You pretend to be gay and then girls let down their defenses around you and before you know it you’re knee deep in pussy.”

It didn’t help that he didn’t really _look_ gay. Or at least not what Hollywood told us gay looked like. He also didn’t act gay. No lisp. No limp wrist. Because that’s how gay looks right? In fact, he and I were jockeying for top position to see who could land in the principal’s office for fighting the most. We ran in different circles and never talked to one another but we had similar hobbies. Doctor’s boy liked to punch first and ask questions later. I was partial to a combat boot to the nose or I’d put my textbooks to good use by taking out headlights with the corner of Applied Physics.

So when someone challenged Eren Jaeger on the authenticity of his gayness, he grew heated and rose to the bait.

“Oh yeah? If I weren’t gay would I do this?” he shouted.

I’m not sure why he chose me. Maybe it’s because I was short and just happened to be standing there. Maybe it’s because I let my eyes linger on those green eyes too long and he caught me looking one day. Or maybe he’d always wanted to do it but never got the chance because I—or so I’ve been told—am pretty hard to approach. Whatever the reason, no one was more surprised than me when he put both hands on either side of my face and kissed me. And I’m not sure which one of us was more surprised when I kissed him back.

And that’s how we started dating.

We were the fucking kings of those halls. It was like our own version of every cheesy high school romance story ever. Leather jacket clad, cigarette smoking boy from the wrong side of the tracks woos star athlete, lead in the school play, Mr. Popularity, college bound, doctor’s son. We were everyone’s favorite spectator sport. We’d run to his locker in between classes just so we could play tonsil hockey for five minutes. Teachers were always pulling us off each other or out from under the bleachers. The principal brought both of our parents (mine failed to show—typical) in to discuss how our PDA was distracting to the other students and Dr. Jaeger blew a gasket and had a right old shitfit. It was all “how dare you call my son abnormal,” “you can’t treat him differently because he’s gay,” blah blah blah. It was great and so we just made out even harder. I had the keys to my dad’s old pickup and we’d just go park by the cornfields and swap spit, letting our tongues and fingers tangle. There was quite a bit of hands trapped under jeans by belts and large hickeys that no amount of Covergirl could hide. Eren would tug me by my wallet chain to those lips of his and I was gone.

Of course, when you love as bright or as beautiful as we did, you supernova. You know, BOOM! and then it’s done. So our first fight happened in the bed of my truck because I said something stupid about how I didn’t plan on going to college and Eren shouted “You need to go to college, Levi! How else will you get a job?” to which I responded that you didn’t need to go to college to be a mechanic and he howled with laughter at that. Then I countered that it wasn’t fucking funny and we can’t all be so lucky to have rich parents who spoil us rotten.

Then he got pissed and stormed off, slapping at cornhusks as he pushed into the field.

“Whatever, I don’t need you telling me what to do,” I snapped after him, lighting another cigarette. “Throwing a tantrum like a fucking girl.”

I don’t think anyone ever sees the end coming. I sure as hell didn’t think that our first fight was going to be our last.

But then again I also didn’t think Eren would start screaming. He started screaming and I ran into the field after him. Then there was a noise like an explosion, the kind you get near air bases—a sonic boom—and I lost all hearing in both my ears.

At first I thought maybe the owners of the field had gotten fed up with us parking there for our makeout sessions and had decided to enact some old timey justice with a shotgun. But when I reached the center of the field, what I thought was a scarecrow—all stiff limbed and staked high above the field—was actually Eren frozen in midair, the laces to his sneakers brushing the crushed stalks below. Then there was a burst of light and my corneas fried and everything went pitch black and that’s the last time I saw him.

The search for Eren Jaeger went on for two years. During that time I was (and still am) the primary suspect in his disappearance.

Suddenly, everything about our romance took a sinister light. Why was a good kid like Eren dating a piece of scum like me? The very understanding, very knowledgeable town turned stupid ugly quick. The news trotted out “experts” on how gay men are more likely to be in abusive relationships. There were theories on how I corrupted a straight boy and turned him like I was some kind of vampire. There was one that hypothesized that I sold Eren into a white slavery ring to be traded like chattel. It might have all been laughable if the police didn’t take every word seriously.

They dragged me in for questioning and everything—I mean everything—about my life was brought into question. Why did I have condoms on me when the police found me by the road? Why did I have lube? Was I planning on engaging in “intimate acts” with Eren? Did he not want to engage in said acts? Had we engaged in sexual activity before? How often were we intimate? How often did we fight? Had I ever struck him before? Had he ever struck me? Was I on drugs? Had I ever tried LSD? Had I ever tried marijuana (except the officer who interrogated me kept calling it “marriage you wanna?”)? Had I introduced Eren to mary-jane-wanna? To my knowledge, had Eren ever had suicidal thoughts? Had he ever expressed the desire to run away?

Cadaver dogs swept the corn field but the dogs only moved in circles and never found anything. Candlelight vigils were held for Eren’s return. Eren’s father demanded to know why I wasn’t in custody. And through it all, my story never changed. Not once. No matter how hard they pressed and despite the sneers on their faces. Some yelled at me, telling me I was a liar. Some tried to buddy up to me, telling me they understood why I was afraid to confess what I’d done. Those were the worst, because they’d come up with so many hypothetical situations that were all so plausible that by the time they stopped spinning, I was nearly half sure they were right.

Yet none of scenarios they came up with explained how my truck had been crushed in two or the ringing in my ears for years after or the second-degree sunburn over my face and arms. The doctor who examined me said if I hadn’t been wearing my sunglasses (sunglasses at night, I told you I was a badass) I would have gone blind. As it was, my eyes and ears never fully recovered and every time I see a cop car my heart starts beating out a samba.

In the end, they never arrested me. There was no trial, but I had been tried in the media a million times over. My face was a regular occurrence on the nightly news. I was in more newspapers than Monica Lewinsky.

After two years, the searches stopped. After seven years, Eren was declared legally dead. After ten years, his disappearance was shelved as a cold case. The furor died down. The sleepy town went back to being quiet and slowly Trost became known once again for its potato festival instead of the most mysterious abduction of all time. People forgot about Eren Jaeger. People forgot about me.

In an ironic twist of events, I _did_ go to college. I kept my head down. No more kicking in faces. No more spray painting graffiti. I just wanted to be ignored. So now I’m the half deaf accountant who wears sunglasses all the time because of his light sensitivity.

The problem with being the lead suspect and person of interest in an open investigation for nearly twenty years, is that the internet seems to exist for the sole purpose of ruining my life. I’ve never had a relationship that lasted longer than six months. One guy actually started recording all of our conversations in case I burst out into a spontaneous confession. All potential employers needed to do was let their fingers do the walking on a trip to Google and my name and face would pop up as “murder suspect.” Not manager potential.

“So it’s just a small shipping business that my wife and I run, but she’s been ill now for quite some time and we need someone to do the books. I see you have experience in this type of work, but you haven’t really had a steady position in…in your entire work history. May I ask why you’re interested in working here?” Erwin Smith asked me.

“Seventeen years ago my boyfriend went missing and everyone thinks I did it and I haven’t been able to find a steady job because the rumors keep following me.”

“Right.” The tall man nodded.

I couldn’t quite make out the expression on his face, the finer details were always a bit fuzzy for me, but I knew it was most likely a mixture of unease and apprehension with a little bit of pity thrown in.

“I’m only telling you now because you’ll find out later,” I said miserably.

Erwin stared at my resume and then back at my face.

“Uh, why don’t you tell me about Shiganshina and your time there?” he suggested lightly.

The rest of the interview went pretty well, but I knew I’d shot myself in the same foot I’d shoved in my mouth by even bringing it up. By trying not to sound like a creepy sociopathic killer, I’d wound up sounding exactly like that.

“You didn’t ask me if I did it,” I said shaking Erwin’s hand to leave. Way to lean into the punch, Levi.

“You’re right, I didn’t.” He nodded with a funny smile or at least it seemed funny to me. All I could see were his pearly whites, but it must have been strange because why would anyone smile at me after all the baggage I’d just dropped at their feet?

Erwin called me back the next day and now I’ve been with Survey Corp Shipping for nearly a year. The store is small and the customers polite. Honestly the worst part about working there is the packaging peanuts that stick to the leg of my pants like burrs. I’m always pulling them off or finding them tucked away behind the fridge when I do my monthly deep clean of my apartment. Other than that, it’s my own slice of heaven. If that sounds pathetic, it’s because it is.

Erwin’s wife, Hanji, has an aggressive form of multiple sclerosis. She used to be active in every aspect of the shop, but now she can’t even sit behind the desk. There are pictures of her all along the walls in her rowing days and every now and then I catch her looking at them. She’s not bitter about the cards life has handed her, which I have to say is the main difference between the two of us. And I think she has more to be angry about. Her husband dotes on her and never once shows his fatigue although he told me one day that they hadn’t been intimate in four years. Welcome to the club, buddy. Hanji stays in the back room during the day and keeps me company when I look over the books. We can’t really talk much because her speech is going, but I like that. She doesn’t ask me about my life, I don’t ask her how she’s feeling. She’s dying. I mean, we’re all dying really but I don’t see her making it past Christmas. I catch Erwin now and then following the lines of her body. He’s already in mourning. The bright light of his world is fading. He takes solace in my friendship although I’m not quite sure what I’m able to give him. Life was quiet. And after the shit that’s happened to us, that’s all we need. Quiet and dignity.

That’s why when Erwin called me one day and told me not to come in, I couldn’t understand.

“Is Hanji okay?” was my first guess.

“Yes, I mean—yes, just don’t come in.”

“Are…are you firing me?” I asked, sitting down heavily. “I’m nearly out the door as it is.”

“Don’t! Just don’t go out! Have you looked at the news?”

“Why would I watch the news—“ I started, deciding that I was coming in despite his warning.

I opened the door to a crowd of reporters. They all lunged for me at once in a move that was strongly reminiscent of a Romero film.

“Mr. Ackerman! Mr. Ackerman!” they shouted.

I slammed the door and threw my back against it.

“What’s happening!?” I asked Erwin.

“I—just turn on the news,” he begged.

I flipped on Channel 4.

“We’re live to you now with breaking news. Eighteen years to the day since his disappearance Eren Jaeger, a Trost local, has been found. Our own Christa Lenz is at the scene now with this development.”

Oh my god. They found him. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s wrong with him?” I asked Dr. Jaeger. He was a man of science. He had to have some answers. “What is it, like some kind of pituitary problem?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TW: Panic Attacks.**
> 
>  
> 
> Hey, y'all Levi has a panic attack in this chapter so if that is triggering for you then, please stay clear. If you want a breakdown of what happens you can contact me on my tumblr.
> 
> My tumblr is [perksofbeingawaifu](http://perksofbeingawaifu.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Tracking tag is #fic: starboy
> 
> If you like, please leave kudos or comments!

“Levi? Are you still there?” Erwin asked.

“Thanks Ymir,” the blonde reporter said on the television. “I’m standing on 104th Street, the back roads of Trost where, eighteen years ago, Eren Jaeger and his boyfriend Levi Ackerman were parked—right here next to Arlert farm—when he suddenly disappeared. Ackerman remained the main suspect in his disappearance and this is the first break in the case.”

That’s it then. They’re going to dig up his body and then they’re coming to arrest me. Despite having just brewed tea, I was suddenly craving that scotch Erwin had given me for my birthday.

“I’m here with Armin Arlert, whose grandfather owns the farm. He’s the one who made the discovery. Armin, can you tell me what happened?”

“Well,” said a shy teenager. “I was out in the field when this boy fell on me.”

“He…fell on you?” the reporter asked incredulously.

“Yup! He fell right out of the sky on top of me.”

“…And then what happened?”

“He said his name was Eren Jaeger and then I took him up to the house and Gramps recognized him from the milk cartons and we called the police and they said it’s him!”

He’s alive?

“He’s alive,” I heard myself breathe into the phone.

Wait? He’s alive? He’s _alive_ and has been all this time? He’s alive and I’ve been hounded and chased from job to job, city to city by his murder and he’s alive? That son of a bitch!

There was more coverage. Aerial shots of the cornfield. Photos of my crushed pickup truck. Both of our high school photos. There was even a grainy “current” shot of me from three years ago when I was ambushed in the Target parking lot by some TMZ wannabes. It all started to blur together after a while, courtesy of the quality scotch. I can’t believe I don’t drink more often. Erwin has good taste.

My phone kept ringing so I put it on silent. The knocks on the door became more persistent and people kept peering in the windows so I drew all the shades and put my back against the door with my lips on the bottle for the first time glad my hearing was impaired.

“Levi!” someone shouted, knocking again.

It must have been late. Nearly four. Couldn’t they go home and leave me in peace? He’s alive. I was persecuted for almost twenty years and the little bastard is alive. The reporter on the news kept speculating if it was an “Ariel Castro” type of situation or if Eren had been in a fugue state and only when he saw the field did he regain his memory.

“Levi! It’s Jean! Open up!”

Jean. Jean Kirstein? That bastard. After the initial shock of Eren’s disappearance wore off Jean was the first to start finger pointing. He had been Eren’s best friend at the time and had always disapproved of our relationship. I could never figure out if it was because I was a man or because he thought I was replacing his place in Eren’s life or some unholy combination of the two, but he always snidely mentioned me in interviews, making sure to bring up how “violent” and “indifferent” I was.

“Yeah, he always had this look in his eyes like nothing impressed him. You know, like he was dead back there. That’s what a killer looks like to me,” Jean had boasted to a newspaper.

Fuck you, Jean. That’s just my face! That’s just how it looks. Even at age sixteen I looked thoroughly done with the world. It was as if the cosmos had anticipated all of the shit that would fly my way and said, “Let’s make him look constipated.”

“Levi! Please let me in! There’s a bunch of reporters out here.”

I ignored him.

“Levi…he’s asking about you.”

“What?” I snapped pulling open the door.

“Jesus, Levi,” he said eyeing my disheveled appearance.

“Yeah, I been drinking!” I snapped, not quite hearing him.

“I can see that,” he said quietly closing the door behind him.

“Into this ear, Kirstein,” I tapped on the right lobe. “This is the good one.”

“Can I have some of that?” he asked and when I didn’t respond, pulled the bottle from my hands.

Jean had that 30-something paunch that comes when you have a decent paying job with a big cushy chair to plant your ass in. He had always been such an athlete so I couldn’t help but hide a grin at his love handles. His short-sleeved, mustard colored shirt puckered all funny like he hadn’t quite realized he’d gained weight yet and his hair, which back in ’96 had rocked the frosted tips look, was receding. Good.

“You’ve been to see him, I take it?” I asked.

“Can you turn on a light in here?”

“No, I can’t turn on a light in here, I keep it dim for my eyes.”

“Right, sorry.” Jean bumped into the coffee table and sat his large butt on my couch. “Yeah, his sister is in my class, so I was one of the first to know.”

“Sister?”

“The doctor and missus adopted a little girl after it became apparent Eren wasn’t coming home. She’s in fifth grade and in my class. Do you know what that’s like? Seeing your best friend’s name on someone else every single day?”

“I sympathize,” I drawled sarcastically. “Almost as bad as being called a murderer every single day since then.”

“Thanks,” Jean said, his narcissism apparently making him immune to my snark. “Well, they pulled her out of class and I went with and…Levi. You gotta go see him.”

“Why? Fuck him,” I growled, drying a dish in the kitchen.

“They had to tell him his mother died. He doesn’t believe them. He doesn’t even recognize me. He keeps calling me Mr. Kirstein. He thinks I’m my father.”

Jean did look a great deal like his father.

“Look, I’m not going anywhere near that hospital. I’m not going anywhere near any Jaegers. I’m looking at this as a chance for me to finally move on.”

“You don’t understand. _You need to see him_.”

“What aren’t you telling me?” I asked suspiciously.

“I—“ Jean faltered. “You just need to see it with your own eyes.”

“You mean my damaged eyes? The eyes that were damaged on the night he disappeared?” I asked bitterly.

“I believe you,” Jean said.

“…What?”

“I…I didn’t believe you then, but I believe you now.”

No one had ever once said they believed me. Several had been sympathetic. One shrink of mine told me she believed that I believed that was what had happened. A few friends were adamant that I couldn’t have harmed Eren. But no one believed the story about the boom and the lights, save for a few UFO nuts online. But back in the 90s everyone believed in UFOs. One trashy paper had even speculated that I had become crazed after smoking “too much reefer” and watching an X-files episode at the same time and my brain had concocted this fantasy to help me cope with my boyfriend’s death (which they helpfully explained was most likely the result of a Satanic ritual).

“Your phone is ringing,” Jean said, holding it out to me.

“It’s reporters, leave it—don’t—“

“Hello? No, this isn’t he. Yes, Dr. Jaeger, he is here,” Jean said into the phone. “It’s his dad.”

He held the phone out and I suppose that’s the closest to an olive branch I was ever going to get.

“Speak up, you know my hearing is bad,” I spat into the phone.

“Hello Levi,” Dr. Jaeger said crisply. “I trust you’ve seen the news.”

“Some of it,” I mumbled.

“Well, the good news is that Eren is alive, the bad news is that there are…complications.”

“No shit,” I grunted, opening the patio door and flicking my lighter.

“I believe now that what you were saying might have been true,” Dr. Jaeger admitted.

I accidentally burned my hand in shock.

“And Eren is having trouble remembering what happened.”

Hissing and sucking on my finger, I managed to light a cigarette. Kirstein followed me out onto the porch, listening in.

“Yeah, like how?” I asked with the Marlboro between my lips. “Like he’s blocked it all out?”

“Levi, he thinks he’s only been gone a few hours. He thinks it’s still 1996. The last thing he remembers is fighting with you in the truck.”

I blew a steady stream into the air, ignoring Kirstein waving his hand in front of his face.

“That’s…that’s one hell of a brain fart.”

“The doctors think seeing you might help him come to terms with it.”

Inside, Eren’s photo popped up on the television screen, the only one of the two of us together at Homecoming, him smiling with his eyes shut and his rented tux and me with a screen printed tux shirt and my ankle length duster that I’d been so fond of.

“Yeah. Sure. Whatever.”

Jean offered to drive me since I was clearly in no state to do so myself but I waved him off and begged Erwin to take me. He got their neighbor to watch Hanji and picked me up at the back entrance. The second the car made its way into the hospital parking lot and I saw all those reporters it was like an elephant sat on my chest.

“Stop the car!” I gasped.

“Levi?” Erwin asked as I bent over.

I felt the bile creep up and before he’d even put the car in park, I opened the door and puked all over the curb. That’ll teach me to mix scotch with a double espresso chaser. Then I felt a pang wrap itself around my chest, like a boa constrictor.

“Levi!” Erwin’s voice was a million miles away and the ringing was back in my ears.

“I’m dying,” I gasped, tripping out of the car and falling against a pillar.

“What’s the matter? What’s happening?”

“I can’t breathe. My heart!” I swallowed air like a fish on land.

“Are…are you having a panic attack?” Erwin asked.

“What’s—panic attack?” I asked, dry-heaving.

“You’re having a panic attack. It’s okay, just take deep breaths. In…two…three…four… Out…two…three…four…”

“Fuck off, Erwin! I can count!” I meant to shove him away but instead I twisted his button down in my fist until I felt something lift off of me. We must have stayed that way for fifteen minutes.

“Can you walk?”

“I’m not an invalid,” I grumbled.

“Look, we can do this another time,” Erwin said kindly.

“Fuck that. I want to know what the fuck happened! I want to know where he’s been for nearly two decades!”

After a good ten minutes, I pushed myself up and dusted off my jeans. Gross. I tripped over my feet the entire walk to the main doors, Erwin holding his hands out like he thought I might suddenly faint. Standing by the sliding doors was the shy boy from the television, Armin Arlert.  He was squinting intently at something in his hands and as we drew closer I could see that it was a bee. He watched the little insect’s feet dance over his hand, creating ladders with his palms so it could keep crawling over him.

“Hello,” he said, not bothering to look at us.

I pushed my sunglasses into the crease between my brows in response, my chest fluttering again.

“Hello,” said Erwin politely.

“Eren’s waiting for you,” the boy said, still watching the bee.

“Have you got a pet there?” Erwin tried, watching the strange sight.

“It’s a honeybee,” he informed us as if that explained everything.

“Aren’t you worried it’s going to sting you?” I asked uncomfortably.

“Not really. But I am deathly allergic, you know,” he said conversationally.

The bee walked to the tip of his finger and he finally looked up and smiled at us. I pushed my sunglasses again with my palm and we left the creepy kid alone with his bee.

“Levi!” Dr. Jaeger called and I flinched instinctively.

The last time I’d seen him, he’d been held back by three officers screaming “off with his head!” Jean was there, and he turned to look at me, hands in pockets.

“Thank you for being here. He hasn’t stopped asking about you and I’m running out of things to tell him,” Dr. Jaeger said, reaching out to shake my hand.

Ha. Not so fast, buddy. I’m not here for you to assuage your guilt for painting a scarlet M for Murderer on my chest.

“Yeah, you said the last thing he remembers is our fight,” I deflected, purposefully ignoring his hand.

“Yes, and he’s desperate. He’s worried you want to break up.” Dr. Jaeger withdrew the hand and continued to the hospital room.

Break up?

“He still thinks we’re together?” I asked.

Damn, kid. What the hell happened to you? Retrograde amnesia, really? This isn’t _Days of Our Lives._

Dr. Jaeger nodded. “And he’s worried you’ll not want to go to Winter Formal with him.”

I stopped and turned on the spot.

“What?”

Dr. Jaeger looked at Jean.

“You didn’t tell him?”

“How, exactly do you expect me to do that?” Jean asked exasperatedly.

“Right,” Dr. Jaeger brushed his hair out of his eyes. “Follow me then.”

Dr. Jaeger led us to Eren’s hospital room. Sitting outside was a ten year old girl who kept staring at her swinging feet. This must be the adopted sister. She chanced to look up at us, before returning to her sullen duty. Poor kid. This was overwhelming for an adult, I couldn’t imagine how it was for a child. Eren’s father made to open the door but I stopped and turned on the spot.

“How do I look?” I mumbled to Erwin.

“I don’t know,” Erwin answered uncertainly. “How you always look?”

Oh god. That couldn’t be good. I breathed into my palm. Vomit breath. Perfect. Vomit breath, prescription sunglasses, and still five foot three.

Dr. Jaeger pushed open the door.

“Dad, will you tell them that I don’t need any more tests!” Eren said frustrated, pulling at his hair. “When can we go home? And when is mom getting here?”

“I don’t understand,” I said.

“Eren, someone is here to see you,” Dr. Jaeger said, forcing a smile.

“Who’re you?” Eren asked, looking around at me. “Are you another doctor? I don’t need to see any more doctors. My dad is a doctor and he can look after me at home!”

He folded his arms across his chest.

“I don’t understand,” I repeated.

“This…this is how they found him,” Dr. Jaeger explained weakly.

Have you ever picked up a Highlights magazine and looked at the puzzles on the back and the “What’s wrong with this picture?” always had something silly like a giraffe wearing a green bowler hat? And at first, you think, “Oh, look, how funny! That giraffe is wearing a hat!” and then you think, “Oh, wait. Giraffes aren’t supposed to wear hats!” It took me a few moments to register what I was seeing in front of me and it sure as hell wasn’t a rhino wearing a necktie. What’s wrong with this picture? Well just about everything for starters. I felt a wave of nausea creep up my spine like a heatwave and spill back down like a bucket of ice water. I grabbed the first thing I could find, which unfortunately for the little girl was her Hello Kitty backpack, and hurled. Erwin rubbed my back and I elbowed him in the ribs for his trouble.

When they said they found Eren Jaeger, I thought they had found a confused thirty-four year old man wandering around the place he’d last been seen in Trost. So why was a sixteen year old Eren Jaeger sitting in a hospital bed?

It couldn’t be him. It couldn’t be. It had to be some punk kid who thought he’d play a prank on a grieving family.

_But that scar on his chin from when he went over his handlebars…_

NO. No. You’re just seeing what you want to see.

_Those eyes, the same shade of green as the lake we’d gone skinny dipping in…_

Those could just be contact lenses.

_The necklace I’d given him still hanging around his neck._

The same necklace that was on every missing photo, you could go to your local craft store and make one.

Poor Hello Kitty, she really deserved better, I thought as more kept coming up.

“I’ll buy you a new one,” I apologized to the little girl.

“Dad!” Eren whined. “I really need to call Levi. He’s gotta know I didn’t mean it!”

I wiped my mouth and straightened.

“Eren, like I tried to explain to you before. You’ve been gone for eighteen years,” the poor beleaguered Dr. Jaeger sighed.

And you haven’t aged a day.

“Yeah, yeah,” he said rolling his eyes. “That joke’s getting stale, Dad. I get it. No more skipping curfew. Just ground me already, but don’t keep me from calling Levi, please?”

“What’s wrong with him?” I asked Dr. Jaeger. He was a man of science. He had to have some answers. “What is it, like some kind of pituitary problem?”

“We don’t know.”

I was about to ask Dr. Jaeger if he was actually ninety years old and if really good genes ran in the bloodline when I noticed the letterman jacket folded on a chair next to the bed. The same letterman jacket Eren had used to cover us both during a late October downpour. His pin for drama right next to his pin for taking the basketball team to states.

“I’ll use the payphone to call him! He just needs to know I made it home okay.”

“Eren,” I said lowly, swallowing bile down.

“Who’re you?” Eren asked.

“Eren this…this _is_ Levi,” Dr. Jaeger said.

“No,” Eren shook his head. “That’s not Levi.”

“Eren, I’m trying to tell you. We’re all eighteen years older. Only you have stayed the same,” Dr. Jaeger insisted.

“Kid,” I said hoarsely, pulling off the shades, and stepping towards the bed. “It’s me.”

“No,” he shook his head again. “You’re not Levi. You’re… _old_.”

“Ever so much more than twenty,” I gave a throaty laugh.

Eren had starred as Peter Pan in the fall play and I’d run through his lines with him a million times and never more did the words seem more applicable.

Eren reached a hesitant hand out to the lines under my eyes. We both jumped as a static shock pinched us both.

“No. No. No no no—“ Eren started repeating over and over again. He began rocking back and forth.

“I should have seen this coming,” Dr. Jaeger said ushering me out.

I ran.

Eren kept repeating the words, hands over his ears and they followed me down the hall and three flights of stairs and I only stopped hearing them ring in my ears until I was through the sliding doors at the hospital entrance. Hands on my knees, I panted, feeling the wind slap my face.

“AH!” I shouted suddenly, clapping my hands over my ears.

“Levi? What’s wrong?” Erwin asked, catching up with me.

“Nothing, sorry. My ears just popped is all.” I yawned a few times experimentally and then it was like that sonic boom hit me all over again.

Suddenly I could hear everything. I could hear Eren shouting up in his hospital bed, asking for his mother. I could hear the camera crew setting up on the other side of the road, the blonde correspondent snapping at her camera men. I could hear the soft fuzzy footsteps of the bee crawling up and down the boy’s wrists. In my haste to cover my ears, I knocked my sunglasses off and the sunlight was overwhelming. Since when did leaves have such beautiful veins? Were Erwin’s eyes always that shade of blue? I backed up until I hit the brick, hands clutching at my ears. No longer was everything in shadow, I could see the colors of the geese flying in their v-shaped formation. I could read the writing on the sides of the ambulances. I could see all of it.

Inhale. Exhale. I could hear my own heartbeat and the blood pumping through my body. I studied the landscape of Erwin’s skin, the pores on his nose and the way his lips feathered at the cupid’s bow as he asked me what was wrong.

“Levi!” he asked.

“I can hear you,” I said.

“Oh, good. Are you okay?”

“No, I mean, I can hear you.”

“Levi?” Poor Erwin was really worried for me.

“I can hear you just fine,” I said, pulling my hands down from my ears.

Not like before where everything sounded warped and underwater, I could hear him clear as day. I could see the clear day!

“Maybe all this time my eyesight and my hearing were some kind of…what do they call it? Psychosomatic?” I asked Erwin excitedly.

Erwin was at a loss.

“I used to be allergic,” the boy said serenely to our right.

I looked over at the kid playing with the bee and Erwin followed my gaze. Armin blew gently as it crawled to the tip of his finger again and the insect took flight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always hated those "What's Wrong With This Picture" games on the back of cereal boxes because as a very imaginative child, I could never understand why those things were "wrong." Ah well.
> 
> Next post on Tuesday!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So I’ve been thinking,” Eren said sliding into the backseat of Erwin’s Toyota Camry. “And I forgive you, Levi, for getting old.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is [perksofbeingawaifu](http://perksofbeingawaifu.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Tracking tag is #fic: starboy
> 
> If you like, please leave kudos or comments!

“Levi! Levi Ackerman!” the reporter called.

“Oh goddamnit,” I said, covering my face with my coat.

“I’m Christa, Christa Lenz? Remember I was a year younger than you?” she hopped next to us as we steered toward the car. “I played Wendy opposite Eren in the school play? Not that I expect you’d remember but—“

“Yeah, I remember you. Get out of my face.”

“Care to comment on—“ she stopped dead in her tracks.

“Levi!” Eren waved from the doors, still in his hospital gown.

“Oh god,” I said.

“That’s…that’s Eren Jaeger,” Christa said, the mic in her hands accidentally smacking me in the face.

“Yeah.”

“No, I mean, that’s the boy I gave a kiss to onstage.” She seemed to shake out of her shock. “Get the camera on his face, right now.”

“Levi! Over here!” he waved.

“Head for the car,” I muttered out of the corner of my mouth to Erwin.

“Eren! Eren Jaeger!” she called, stopping his progression.

“You look familiar.” Eren eyed her up and down. “Do you have a younger sister?”

“Eren, I’m Christa Lenz, we went to high school together, remember?”

“Christa!” he exclaimed and gave her a kiss on both cheeks, giving her a little static shock. “I wanted to talk to you about Spirit Week. We always do pajama day, but I was thinking this year we could do a different theme, like 70s Day! What do you think?”

“Eren, I haven’t been on the Student Council in sixteen years,” she said in shock.

“Or you know, it doesn’t have to be 70s. It could be 50s, 60s, or even 80s! Like a decade theme! Anyway, good chatting with you Christa, but I gotta talk to my boyfriend! Bye!”

He waved and then turned his back to her, his ass buck naked in the hospital gown.

“Hello, Christa? What’s the situation like at the hospital?” Ymir’s voice filtered through Christa’s earpiece.

“Why didn’t we do a decade day?” Christa said absentmindedly into her microphone.

“Christa, you’re live on air,” Ymir reminded her.

Christa had her hands on her hips and looked into her camera.

“Why didn’t we ever date?”

“What?” asked Ymir, sitting awkwardly in the studio.

“I mean, not even once,” Christa said, fussing with her Brazilian blowout. “I mean, it’s not like we never had the time.”

“Christa…I’ve been your best friend for several years. I got you this job at the studio, remember?” Ymir’s fake smile was strained.

“Pfft best friends. Best friends don’t give each other topless backrubs. C’mon let’s give this a shot! You and me, what do you say?”

“I’m sorry,” said Ymir back in the studio. “It appears we’ve lost the feed for Christa and…” She bit her lip and then took off her microphone throwing it at an intern. “Here, you’re the anchor now.” She ran from the studio so fast, her chair was still spinning on dead air for a good minute.

“So I’ve been thinking,” Eren said sliding into the backseat of Erwin’s Toyota Camry. “And I forgive you, Levi, for getting old.”

“Ah!” I jumped.

“I just want us to be like we were. So, here goes, I’m sorry.” He put his hand over his heart as he gave his most sincere apology.

Erwin and I stared at him in the backseat, then at each other.

“Your turn,” Eren prompted.

“I’m…sorry?” I tried.

Eren burst into a relieved laugh.

“Our first fight!” he said excitedly, throwing his arms around my neck and the passenger seat.

“Ha. Imagine that,” I said weakly.

“Who are you?” Eren asked Erwin bluntly.

“I’m Erwin Smith,” Erwin said offering his hand to shake.

Eren eyed it with an offended expression.

“Who is he?” Eren asked me haughtily.

“He just told you.”

“No, I mean, who is he to you? We have one fight and suddenly you’re making new friends? Friends who are supposedly named Erwin?”

“We’re just friends,” Erwin said quickly. I was surprised how quickly he was adjusting to the madness. “I’m also married, see?” He held up his ring finger.

“Oh,” Eren beamed. “In that case, pleased to meet you. Where are we going?”

“What?” I asked.

“Are we going to The Wall?” Eren asked.

The Wall was a burger joint popular back when we had been dating that catered solely to teenagers who never tipped and fans of heartburn.

“Or maybe,” Eren teased, walking his fingers up my arm. “You could take me to see Romeo + Juliet. You know with Leo DiCaprio? I promise I won’t spend the entire time checking him out, so there’s no reason for you to get jealous.”

He nipped at my nose.

“That…that sounds like a great idea,” I said suddenly, an idea forming in my brain.

“It does?” Erwin asked concernedly.

“Yes! But you should get some clothes on. You can’t see a movie in a hospital gown.”

“Oh! Oh, I didn’t even notice! Dad is really going all out on this crazy punishment. Okay, I’m going to go put my clothes on and then I’ll be right back!”

“Sounds great,” I managed in a strained voice.

“Oh and Levi!” Eren said, right by my ear and I jumped again. “Make sure you have me back before ten or else Dad really will lose it this time.”

“Got it.”

“Got it…” Eren waited.

“Got it…?” I repeated.

“You have to say it!” Eren insisted.

“Say what?” I didn’t know what he was talking about.

“I’m your…” Eren waited again and I really didn’t know what he wanted. “Love monkey!”

Oh god. I had forgotten about that.

“Love monkey,” I repeated, the words feeling very foreign indeed. Hadn’t I been a punk badass in a former life?

Erwin gave me a commiserating look.

“Love you, pooh bear!” Eren kissed my cheek. “I’ll be right back!”

I watched him head for the hospital doors, that cute little ass, which I reminded myself was a sixteen year old’s ass and therefore strictly off limits, on full display in his flapping hospital gown.

The second Eren disappeared through those doors, I shouted, “GUN IT!”

Erwin peeled out of the hospital parking lot and broke about fifty traffic laws until we were the next town over. He pulled into an Arby’s parking lot, tugging on the parking brake with some vehemence and we sat in silence. I put a shaky hand into my coat, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it with some difficulty. Erwin stared at me and I knew I wasn’t supposed to smoke inside the car, but—

“Can I have one of those?” Erwin asked, reaching out with an equally shaky hand.

We rolled down the windows, contemplating the Arby’s drivethru and the large curly fries sign.

“I—“ Erwin started.

I grunted in agreement.

“It’s—“

I grunted again.

“Who—“

I shrugged.

“I need you to explain to me what’s happening. Because either this is some weird shared dream, or…”

“My boyfriend who disappeared eighteen years ago is alive and still sixteen and still thinks we’re dating.”

I needed to say it out loud to be sure that was what was really happening.

“Are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Are you two still dating?”

“Did you miss the part where he’s been missing for almost two decades?”

“It’s just that, you shouldn’t lead him on if you don’t want to keep dating him. He needs to know. You need to be honest with him.”

I stared at Erwin’s profile, my eyebrows slowly contracting, realizing I might be the last sane man on the planet.

“Now that I think about it, I don’t like cigarettes,” Erwin coughed, handing his back to me.

I blew smoke from my nostrils like a dragon lording over its hoard, brows still tight, now definitely sure I was the last sane man on the planet.

<*>

“I’m sorry, where are you going?” Jean asked because there was a flurry of commotion happening in front of him.

“It’s just that I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii and now I finally have a chance,” the doctor explained excitedly.

“Levi’s taking me to see Romeo + Juliet with his buddy Erwin. You’re welcome to come and bring Sasha if you want. Double date!” Eren bounced excitedly, picking up his Reebok pumps.

Well at least Eren didn’t think Jean was Jean’s father anymore.

“Sasha got married to Connie Springer and they have four kids,” Jean said as Eren pulled on a tee and jeans, the exact same tee and jeans he’d been wearing the day he went missing. They still had the ballpoint pen drawing of a tiny dick with wings that Jean had doodled on his knee during fourth period.

“Aw, I’m sorry to hear that. You’ll meet someone new though,” Eren said clapping his hand on Jean’s shoulder.

“Or maybe Buenos Aires!” Dr. Jaeger put his chin in his hands thoughtfully.

“I just want you to be as happy as Levi and I are,” Eren said sympathetically. “What about you, Armin?”

“I’m sorry, who is the little mushroom top?” Jean said pointing at Armin.

“This is my new buddy, Armin. His grandpa own Arlert farms. He’s our age.”

By which he meant sixteen, which Jean was definitely not anymore because if he was he wouldn’t be wearing orthotics.

“Do they have peanuts at the movie theatre?” Armin asked thoughtfully. “I’ve never had peanuts before!”

“I dunno,” Eren shrugged. “They might. They’ve got popcorn is all I know.”

“I’ve never had popcorn either!” Armin said excitedly.

The little ten year old girl watched the whole commotion with a flat expression.

“Hey, Mikasa,” Eren said kneeling in front of her. “It was so great to meet you, but I have to go now. But I’ve got a present for you—“

He peeled off the red scarf (the same scarf, Jean reminded himself, that had been in all of the missing posters) and wrapped it around her.

“I’m so excited that I have a new baby sister, but right now I’ve gotta go. We’ll have plenty of time to catch up later!”

He waved and hurried away.

“How about India?” Dr. Jaeger asked. “You know what? I’m just going to go to the airport and pick a destination there.”

“Dr. Jaeger!” Jean called after him, hiking his pants up. “You can’t just leave your daughter—annnd he’s gone. Sorry Mikasa, I know this has been a weird day for you.”

“That’s fine Mr. Kirstein,” she said, taking his extended hand.

Jean pulled at his belt. He didn’t know why but they kept falling. It was probably the Arby’s he’d stopped at on his way over and the subsequent food poisoning he’d received.

“Can we go to the park?” Mikasa asked.

“Why not?” Jean asked, like a man who knows he has completely lost control over everything in his life.

But when they got down to the parking lot they found a puzzled Eren.

“You know, I think he thought you were giving me a ride,” Eren said, scratching his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you Thursday with Chapter 4!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Let’s just ease into things. How about we grab a cup of coffee?”  
> I had a plan.  
> “Coffee?” Eren asked uncertainly. “Mom says caffeine stunts your growth.”  
> Okay, I had part of a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is [perksofbeingawaifu](http://perksofbeingawaifu.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Tracking tag is #fic: starboy
> 
> If you like, please leave kudos or comments! Your comments on this fic so far have been really appreciated. I've been having a bummer week so thanks for all the nice words you guys!

I woke up the next day with a hangover and insisted on coming in to work. Erwin had assured me it wasn’t necessary and they’d understand it if I took a few days to gather my thoughts. But truth was, I needed work to distract myself. Erwin was kind enough to offer me a ride so I didn’t have to take the bus.

“Will Hanji be okay if you leave her alone?” I asked, sliding into the passenger seat.

“It’s only for a half hour,” Erwin said, but he looked a little nervous and I didn’t blame him. If Hanji fell or injured herself there was no way for her to right the mobile wheelchair, it was far too heavy.

So imagine our surprise when we entered the shipping business to hear laughter. And not just any laughter. Hanji’s laughter.

“Baby!” Eren exclaimed jumping up.

“Oh god no.” I flinched.

Eren threw his arms around my neck, giving me a sharp shock from his fingers in the process

“Ow!” I snapped, pushing Eren off.

“Whoops, got a little static electricity on ya,” Eren winked, accidentally putting his foot in the packing peanuts. His leg came out looking like a yeti’s and he had to shake his leg like he was doing the Hokey Pokey to get them all off.

“Hello darling,” Hanji said as Erwin bent down to give her a kiss.

“Hi there,” Erwin said, perplexed. “What’s going on?”

“Oh Eren and I were just chatting. He was telling me about all the adventures he and Levi used to have. Levi, you rascal you, did you really try to put Mrs. Brzenska’s yorkie in your pillowcase while Trick or Treating?”

“They could never prove anything,” I gave a weak laugh.

It wasn’t really trick or treating, it was toilet papering, but we carried the toilet paper around in our pillow cases and targeted all of the teachers in a few blocks radius of Eren’s house and why was I remembering this now???

“Chatting. You,” Erwin pointed at her.

“Yes, dear. That’s how it works,” she laughed, exchanging a look with Eren that read, “Husbands? Am I right?”

“Who is this?” Eren pointed at a picture on the wall.

“Oh that’s back when I was on the crew team in college. I was the coxswain and then went on to compete in coxless doubles.”

Eren struggled to keep a straight face.

“ _Coxswain_ ,” he snorted at me.

“Yes, that is what it is called.” I nodded. “I’m sorry, what are you doing here?”

“I told you yesterday! Mom has to work a double at the hospital so I’m all yours.”

“Huh?”

Now that he mentioned it, I did vaguely remember that fact in the hours before he went missing. We had tentative plans to kick any pumpkins that were still sitting on people’s doorsteps because it was November and Halloween was over, losers.

“You know what we should do?” Eren said, hopping up on the counter. “You should go take me out in a rowboat on Pixis Pond! We should do it! Let’s go!”

“Eren,” I said, trying the calmest voice I could muster.

“Yes, pooh bear?” he leaned in and rubbed his nose against mine and I leaned back. “He only lets me call him that. Once Thomas Wagner tried to call him pooh bear and Levi headbutted him into the orchestra pit.”

And I’d do it again, Thomas.

“Duly noted,” Erwin said, saluting.

“Eren do you remember the part about how you’ve been missing for eighteen years?” I asked, trying to regain some of my personal space that he’d taken over.

“Yeah,” he scratched the back of his head. “Everyone keeps mentioning it. I still think they’re messing with me, but I guess it must be true if you’re saying it.”

“It is true,” I said, relieved he finally believed me. “And—“

I paused because he wrapped his legs around me and pulled me towards him.

“And, that means I don’t remember a lot of things from way back then. Also, I’m old.”

“I don’t mind,” Eren waved his hand. “Sure it’s a bummer, but you were always old on the inside so…”

He shrugged.

“I—right. So, what I was thinking is how about you treat me like I’m a complete stranger.”

“Is this a game? Are we playing a game, Levi?”

“Yes, but remember, you don’t know me so you don’t know my name.”

“Ohhh, gotchya.” Eren winked, unhooking his heels from behind my back and hopping down. “Hello good sir, prithee what is this establishment?”

“Okay, we’re strangers not in Shakespeare.”

“Oh, so Ms. Ral said we were going to be reading Hamlet next semester and I told her we should do a stage production and I said you would be perfect for Ophelia and she thinks we could totally get away with it because what the school board doesn’t know won’t hurt them,” he finished in a conspiratorial whisper.

I fixed him with my flattest expression.

“Oh, right, sorry. We don’t know each other. Hi! I’m Eren Jaeger. And you are?”

“Levi.”

“Levi, what a lovely name. Might I ask your last name?”

“Ackerman.”

“Levi Ackerman. Hey you’re pretty cute, want to go out on a date?”

“Whoa now,” I put my hands up defensively because he was already leaning in for a kiss. “You’re moving pretty fast for a boy I just met.”

“Huh? Ohhh, righhht.”

“Let’s just ease into things. How about we grab a cup of coffee?”

I had a plan.

“Coffee?” Eren asked uncertainly. “Mom says caffeine stunts your growth.”

Okay, I had part of a plan.

“Then why don’t we uhhh…” I looked around at Erwin and Hanji for help. “What do the kids get around here that isn’t coffee?”

It’s not like we could go down to the Soda Hop and pick up a cherry malt with our good friends Peggy Sue and Buzz.

Erwin and Hanji looked at each other.

“Bubble tea?” Erwin suggested.

“What’s bubble tea?” Eren asked, cocking his head to the side.

Twenty minutes later, after pulling nearly a hundred packing peanuts off of Eren, we made it to bubble tea. Eren was dual wielding two separate boba cups, not being able to decide between flavors.

“Bubble tea is amazing!” he said taking a sip. “I like this one because of the mango and I like this one because of the tapioca bubbles.”

“Yeah,” I muttered putting away my wallet. “Don’t mention it.”

“My man, he takes care of me,” Eren grinned, squishing a popping bubble between his teeth.

“You should be ashamed of yourself!” a passing woman interjected.

Eren looked at her confusedly and then he broke into a mischievous grin. “Doesn’t she look just like the Church Lady?”

“Huh?”

“You know! Dana Carvey.”

“Oh, uh, yeah.” Wow, what a timely reference. Talking to Eren was beginning to feel a great deal like opening up a time capsule.

“Now, Eren—“

“Yeah, baby?”

“Oh honey!” another concerned citizen stopped by. “Is this man bothering you?”

“Cut that out. We’re strangers remember?” I reminded him. “No more pet names. No ‘baby,’ no ‘pooh bear.’ Just stop calling me pet names all together.” 

“Right. Strangers,” Eren nodded.

“Did you meet him online?” the woman persisted, hovering by our table.

“Online?” Eren wrinkled his nose. “Do you mean like the World Wide Web? No. Dad won’t buy a computer. He says there’s no future in them.”

The woman straightened and looked at me as I put a frustrated hand over my mouth. Trost had been a little slow on the dotcom trend, but I forgot what it was like to call someone and to get a busy signal. Eren’s family was rich so he had call waiting. Oh such luxuries.

“Okay, I gotta ask you, Eren. What happened after you ran into the field?”

“Are we not playing the strangers game anymore?” he asked.

“We fought. You ran away. Then what happened?”

“Oh good, because I thought that game was boring.”

“Eren! What happened?”

“Why does everyone want to know so badly?” he groaned. “Nothing happened! I ran into the field and then next thing I know I fell on top of Armin.”

“You fell on top of Armin,” I clarified.

“Yes! Why is that so hard for everyone to understand?”

“But when you ran into the field it was night. And when you fell on Armin it was light out. How do you explain that?”

“I don’t know, Levi! Daylight savings time? Geez.”

I put my hands together, praying for patience. Did he really not know what had happened? No, he must. If he didn’t then he wouldn’t keep avoiding the subject like that.

“Do I look like a pirate?” Eren asked, blacking out his teeth with a tapioca bubble.

I narrowed my eyes. This was going to be harder than I thought.

<*>

“Hanji?” Erwin asked, unlocking the door at the back of the shop.

Their home was situated right behind the shipping store and everything was on the first floor so Hanji could navigate her electric wheelchair seamlessly from one side to the next.

“I’m in the kitchen!” she shouted.

“What?” Erwin asked.

Hanji hadn’t been in the kitchen in years. Erwin made all their meals, which he admitted were not the height of culinary art but he managed.

“Whatchya doin’?” he asked, watching her struggle to reach the flour.

“I’m making a cake.”

“Why?”

“Because I felt like celebrating.”

“Here, you’re going to fall, let me—“

“Don’t be silly, I’ve—“

She overextend and the chair tipped. Erwin went to catch her but she struggled to her feet.

“Aha!” she exclaimed victoriously as she pulled the flour down.

“Hanji…” Erwin said in wonder.

“Can you hand me the eggs? They’re in the door. I’m thinking German chocolate cake, what do you think?”

“Hanji, you’re standing.”

“And you’re standing in my way. Here—“ she pulled open the fridge door and grabbed the eggs.

“Hanji…” Erwin said huskily. “You can walk.”

“Yes.” She nodded because he was being very repetitive.

“Hanji,” Erwin insisted.

She turned exasperatedly but when she caught sight of the bulge in his pants, dropped the egg she was holding and gave a little, “Oh!” pointing at his trousers.

“Yes,” he agreed.

“Ohhh,” she said understandingly, moving toward his lips.

<*>

Jean was having a trying day. Dr. Jaeger had hopped a plane to god knows where and left him with his sixteen year old friend and his ten year old adopted sister. Eren had insisted on following Levi to his job and Jean thought, fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck everything. Fuck strange lights in the sky. Let Levi deal with that bullshit. He dropped Mikasa off with CPS.

“Do I have to go?” she asked reluctantly.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I’ll see you in class on Monday, okay?”

“Bye, Mr. Kirstein.”

God it broke his heart to do that. But what was he supposed to do? Take her home with him? Raise her? How would that look to others? It was for the best. She needed a few days with normal folk. Jean knew he did. All of his pants kept falling off his backside. Maybe it was those new Lean Cuisine dinners he’d bought, but he was on the last buckle. Jean threw himself into work. He was starting a new segment on the solar system and needed to assemble the model.

There was a knock at the door and he looked up surprised. It was Saturday. Who was here?

“Mr. Kirstein?” a woman asked, from the doorway.

“Yes?”

She stepped inside revealing a pair of legs that went on for miles and Jean froze just a bit.

“I’m sorry…are you the parent of a student?” Jean asked confused because she was wearing a short dress with a teddy bear on it and didn’t look old enough to have a kid, but he’d learned to step carefully in situations like these.

“No.”

“Uh, then how can I help you?”

“Is this the solar system?” she asked pointing to the model he was stringing up.

“Yes! Yes it is.”

“You know Pluto isn’t a planet anymore, right?” she asked, holding the golf ball sized model.

“Yeah, well tell that to the school board and maybe they can give me funding for a new set. I’m sorry who did you say you were again?”

“It’s me, Mikasa.”

Jean dropped Saturn, knocking the rings right off.

“What? No you’re not.”

“Yes I am!” she said, indicating the red scarf around her neck.

Jean knew that scarf. He had just seen Eren give it to her yesterday.

“But you’re all—“ he indicated her height and juggled Earth and Mars for a moment before realizing how inappropriate that was.

“I know.”

“How did you—?” he asked

“I was just thinking how amazing it would be to be older. To have men stare at me the way you were staring at that one nurse.”

Jean swallowed heavily.

“To have people take me seriously instead of writing me off as a little kid. And then they just sortof appeared.” She indicated her chest.

“Uh…huh…” Jean said trying to look anywhere but at her.

“Now we can do what adults do in the movies,” she said, leaning forward over a desk.

“How do you even know what that is!?” Jean yelped moving away from her.

“You know,” she said batting her eyelashes and Jean cringed. “Kiss.”

She leaned in, all puckered up and Jean was forced to grab her shoulders to stop her.

“Why would you want to be an adult?” he asked.

“So I can be pretty and have boys throw themselves at me and not have to do homework,” she said as if it were completely obvious.

“Except there is never an end to homework! When you get older you just call it taxes! And it’s all grocery shopping and errand running and you have to stand in line at the post office! Stamps! Stamps are important when you’re an adult! And you have to watch your cholesterol and your sugar and it’s all ‘You can’t have a cheeseburger for lunch, Jean!’ God what I wouldn’t give to be a kid again. It’s all dinosaurs and spacemen and cowboys. Do you want to play Legos with me?”

“Can we play house?” she asked sitting down cross legged as he tipped over the Lego bucket.

“Fine, we can play Lego-house but only if it’s Batman’s house,” he sighed.

“Batman is going to have a teaparty,” Mikasa explained.

“Oh no, Darth Vader is attacking the tea party!” he shouted, maneuvering the action figure and making lightsaber noises with his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Levi. He's gonna try some tough love.
> 
> Hmm, something else is happening to Jean besides losing weight... :3
> 
> I remember being ten like Mikasa and thinking how great it would be to have boobs and kiss boys. Oh dear.
> 
> See you Tuesday!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Fade Into You" -- Mazzy Star
> 
> “Where’s all of my stuff?” he sniffled. “Where are my CDs? Where’s my Nintendo? Where’s my posters? Where’s my sandwich? Why didn’t she make me a snack? She always makes me a snack.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is [perksofbeingawaifu](http://perksofbeingawaifu.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Tracking tag is #fic: starboy
> 
> If you like, please leave kudos or comments!

“Do I have to go home already?” Eren whined as I dragged him to Erwin’s.

“Yes.”

I’d had enough. Enough Adam Sandler jokes. Enough footsie. Enough attempts to feed me boba and shrimp flavored chips.

“Erwin!” I shouted unlocking the house door. They’d long since given me a key and I really needed to use his car. “Erwin can I borrow your—“

Hanji let out a shriek and wrapped herself in the tablecloth and Erwin grabbed the candy dish which really was not nearly big enough.

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have barged in,” I said as Eren clamped both hands over his mouth to stifle giggles. “Can I borrow your car?”

“Sure,” Erwin said eyes trained on the ceiling.

“Great. Where are the keys?”

Hanji looked at the candy dish pointedly.

“Right.” I said, slowly reaching out to take the keys without looking at Erwin’s junk, except I had to look to make sure I didn’t actually touch the aforementioned junk. I fumbled around for a few seconds, before claiming my prize.

“We’re off!” I called pulling a giggling Eren after me.

“Why can’t we stay out later?” Eren complained buckling his seatbelt with some vehemence. “My curfew isn’t until ten! It’s still light out, Levi!”

“You were missing for eighteen years, I’m sure your dad is looking for you.”

“Oh he went on vacation.”

“Vacation? Vacation where?”

Eren shrugged. “Dunno. He wanted to go so he went. Hey, do you think we should get a limo for Winter Formal? I think my dad would pay for half if we could get Jean and Sasha to chip in some. What do you think?”

“I think you missed our Winter Formal by eighteen years, Eren. Why did your dad suddenly decide to leave?”

“I heard him thinking about how he just wanted to get away, so I helped him.”

“How?”

“Hm?”

“How exactly did you help him?”

“Oh, you know.”

“No, I don’t Eren, please explain. Like how you helped Hanji?”

Eren just hummed and fiddled with the radio.

“There is nothing good on,” he complained.

“Yeah, that hasn’t changed much since you’ve been gone,” I said, bringing one hand to my lips as I drove.

I studied Eren from the corner of my eye as we drove. Same features, right? Same hair, same teeth. Same terrible dance moves.

“M-m-m-my Sharona!” Eren sang. “C’mon Levi!”

He pretended to play airguitar. Everything was the same.

“Hey, remember our dance to this?” he said and began dancing a great deal like New Kids on the Block.

“Unfortunately,” I said, pursing my lips.

He started head banging and I’d had enough and slapped the radio button.

“Hey!” Eren protested.

“What are you?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” he cocked his head to the side.

“What are you?”

“Is this some kind of trick question?” he asked.

“Are you an alien?”

“No, my parents are second generation German immigrants.”

“I mean like space-alien.”

“Oookay, Levi. No more weed for you man.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I don’t know what you want from me! I’m Eren! Remember? Your boyfriend! You’re losing it man.”

He was right. I was losing it.

“Like is this some kind of invasion? Are you invading us?”

“Yeah, a pants invasion, ow!” he grabbed at his crotch. “Hey, remember at the after party when we got busy in Jean’s hot tub?”

I let out a loud groan, seriously considering banging my head against the steering wheel.

“Okay, fine. Be that way. _‘I did not have sexual relations with that woman,’_ ” he quoted laughing.

“You’re not Eren. You’re just not,” I said, now fully sure of it. He just couldn’t be.

“Why do you keep saying that?” Eren rolled his eyes. “It’s getting old.”

“Because the Eren I know—the real Eren—wouldn’t just shrug off the fact that his mother was dead!”

“You’re being overdramatic. She’s just working a double at the hospital. She’s a nurse. They do that.”

“No, Eren. She died. She’s dead. Your father told you that. Jean told you that. You were gone a long time and while you were gone people were born and people died.”

“Stop saying that!” Eren spat angrily. “I don’t know why people keep saying that but Mom is fine! Watch, we’ll get home and you’ll see!”

Yes, we will see, won’t we?

“I don’t understand,” Eren said jamming his key in the door for the millionth time. “Why isn’t it working? Stupid door!”

He kicked it angrily. That was familiar too. The kid never remembered his locker combination and always got into fights with it.

“Ugh, fine, let’s go around to the back. Usually the back window is unlatched. We can jimmy it open.”

I really hoped the Jaeger’s hadn’t moved. I didn’t need to get arrested tonight. I gave a sigh of relief as I caught sight of the photos on the wall and noted they were the same. Well some. Mikasa was added to several more. Eren didn’t seem to mind or be distracted by those.

“Now every day before Mom leaves for her shift, she makes me a peanut butter and banana sandwich. If she were dead, would there be this in the fridge?”

Eren whipped the fridge door open to reveal…an old pizza box.

“Huh. She must have forgotten,” he said moving all the items in the fridge around.

“Look at the shoes,” I pointed in the hallway.

Little girl shoes and grown men shoes but no women’s shoes.

“Well, she must have taken her shoes to work,” Eren explained, but he kept tonguing the corner of his mouth.

“Sure. Then why don’t we check the closets?” I asked, pulling open a door. “Huh, look at that, we’ve got a Frozen raincoat for a little girl and pink glitter galoshes, but golly, I don’t see anything for an adult woman.”

“Well…” Eren said uncertainly. “That’s because her stuff is upstairs in her closet!”

He ran upstairs and opened the closet confidently. Nothing but ties and sweater vests. Mr. Jaeger had some sense of style.

“I don’t understand, where is all of her stuff?” Eren asked in a small voice.

I was starting to regret my decision. In my desire to get Eren to come to grips with reality, I forgot how it must feel to him. His mom was gone.

“Where are her glasses? She always keeps them on this nightstand for reading! Where’s her robe? I don’t understand!”

“Eren…”

He had a thought and then across the hall to his room, throwing it open like he expected a surprise birthday party on the other side. Inside was a sad, underused Elliptical and a set of weights with a heavy coating of dust.

“This is my room.”

“Eren.”

“This is my room! Where’s all my stuff?”

“Eren, you were gone. You were gone for eighteen years, you haven’t lived here in eighteen years. Your mom died five years ago.”

Eren sat on the stairs and began rocking back and forth again.

“No. No. Nonononoo,” he began repeating again like he had at the hospital.

“You went away and we all grew up without you, do you understand?”

There was a shriek of feedback and the stereo began blaring music, the TV started flipping through stations, the clock on the stove was blinking at 12:00. I clapped my hands over my ears and grabbed the remote turning off the television.

“Eren! Calm down!” I shouted trying to figure out Dr. Jaeger’s Bose system.

“Where’s all of my stuff?” he sniffled. “Where are my CDs? Where’s my Nintendo? Where’s my posters? Where’s my sandwich? Why didn’t she make me a snack? She always makes me a snack.”

I reached out a hesitant hand to Eren’s head then pulled it back. I didn’t know how to comfort him. I couldn’t give him back those years. I couldn’t bring his mom back. But I also couldn’t lie to him and say everything was the same.

“Sorry kid,” was the best I could do.

“I just wanted to listen to our song and dance. You know. Remind you.”

“Remind me of what?” I asked.

“That I love you. That you love me,” he mumbled into his elbow. “But you forgot. Everyone forgot about me.”

“No. Eren. None of us forgot about you. Never once did I forget about you.”

I reached out and pulled his hands into mine, hissing as he shocked me again. I needed him to understand that much. Whatever had happened that night, I couldn’t ever forget him. Eren perked his head up a little and wiped his nose on his sleeve. Gross.

“Really? Then what’s our song, hm? I bet you don’t even remember!”

As a matter of fact I did remember our song. You don’t really get to pick your song. I was really into Sex Pistols at the time and Eren was still mourning Kurt Cobain and we both sneered and derided the consumerist pop culture that was pervasive on every radio station. Yet I couldn’t really control what was playing when I first noticed that Eren liked it when I kissed behind his ears or how my hands fit into his back pockets so easily. He started swaying and I suppose we were dancing and after that Mazzy Star’s “Fade Into You” was our song. Not very punk. Not very grunge. But it was ours.

“Here, hold on,” I said, tapping on my phone to make a hasty purchase.

“What is that?” he asked nodding at the iPhone.

“It’s a phone.”

He erupted into giggles, wiping at the tears on his face as he did so.

“Yeah, sure, that’s a phone. Oookay Levi.”

“It also plays music,” I wiggled the screen at him and set it down on the coffee table and stood up, holding my hand out for him to take.

He crawled off the stairs slowly, either not sure he truly believed that my phone could play music or not sure I wanted to dance with him. Hell, I wasn’t sure I wanted to dance with him, but I couldn’t just let him cry on the stairs.

Don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t some big romantic gesture on my part. More like a parent dangling keys in front of an upset toddler. This was my Hail Mary. So if it took a little slow dancing to calm down Eren, so be it.

“This _is_ our song,” he said perking up and sliding off the stairs.

He took my hand and shocked me a little as he put his hand around my waist. I cringed inwardly, but tolerated his closeness. Like I said. Whatever it took to get him to stop channel surfing with his mind. Then he rested his chin on the top of my head and god, I had forgotten how he used to do that. Sometimes being short had its drawbacks. For instance, trying to get your favorite cereal on the top shelf. But I forgot the small pleasures, no pun intended, that being short had to offer. No one else had given that to me after Eren. Eren had always been able to wrap me up in his arms like a cocoon. I don’t know if I realized I missed it until he did it all over again. I must have forgotten what it felt like to have that warmth fall over me. It felt almost infantile. Like Jesus swaddled in the manger. Or maybe it went back earlier even earlier. Back to the womb, where we all felt suspended in a potential state. I had a vision then, a sight of myself held aloft in the night sky, curled with my knees to my chest as I was made and then unmade, my being poured out and stretched and thinned across time and space. Starlight kissed the points of my body where Eren’s fingers lingered and I was home.

Of course it was just one of those small mental images we conjure up when we’re exceptionally tired and have recently been reunited with a boyfriend long since thought dead. A strange fantasy brought on by nostalgia.

“You smell like you,” I accidentally said aloud which was really a stupid thing to say. Of course Eren smelled like Eren.

I was starting to feel a little silly. Here I was, the adult with a perpetual teenager and I was the one being made to feel like a child.

“What do I smell like?” he asked, his throat vibrating against my nose.

“Big Red gum and that coke you spilled on this shirt at the diner yester—uh back before we parked by the fields.”

I took a deep breath. All of the things about Eren that made him Eren I had been able to ignore simply by turning my head away and sighing loudly. But scent…scent is mighty powerful. To this day I can’t walk past the perfume counter in department stores because I remember the time I tried to shoplift Elizabeth Taylor’s fragrance for a Mother’s Day gift but panicked and dropped the bottle. The store owner shoved a mop into my hand rather than press charges, which was actually very kind of him, but they still called my mom to pick me up. That was before I knew Eren though. I never would have shoplifted when we were together because I never wanted to disappoint him.

He looked down at me with those big green eyes of his and now I remembered why I tolerated him calling me ‘pooh bear’ and stuffed notes in his locker. I was taken back to that time when the need for kisses and cuddles outweighed my sexual desire. When I—yes, me, Levi Ackerman—believed in frippery like soul mates and true love. All of that bullshit they try to shove down your throat in Disney movies and Hallmark cards, I had once fallen for it hook, line, and sinker.

That was before my sole reason for believing in such things was sucked up into the sky.

“You smell like cigarettes, laundry detergent, and Listerine,” Eren murmured dreamily into my ear. “Are you still hoarding stockpiles of vinegar and bleach under your sink?”

_“Fade into you.”_

I inhaled sharply.

“I bet you still keep a Swiss army knife in your jeans so you can pick dirt out from under your nails.”

He let his fingers ghost down my front pocket until he found the pocket knife and yet I still didn’t pull away, instead gripping his shoulders tighter.

“ _I think it’s strange you never knew._ ”

He ran those fingers back up my chest and under my chin.

“You know, despite the lines under your eyes, you really don’t look that different. It’s like your skin hangs differently. You had these round cheekbones but now they’re sharp. You look older sure, but…better looking. I didn’t really think that was possible,” Eren said contemplatively.

No one ever called me good looking before Eren and no one had since. I could feel his breath on my lips and my nails were threatening to break through his skin.

“Uh, Eren,” I whispered softly, afraid to break the spell. “Do you remember when we went up in the mezzanine that one time?”

“Uh huh,” he whispered and I could taste the sweetness of his breath.

“And I panicked because it turns out I have a slight fear of heights?”

“Hah, yeah,” he said, still leaning in.

“Do you think you could set us down then?” I begged, feeling a great deal like Wile E. Coyote, like if I acknowledged we were nearly brushing the ceiling he might drop me suddenly.

“Oh,” said Eren looking at the beige carpet several feet below us. “Right. Sure. Sorry about that.”

I clung to him as we slowly spiraled downward.

“What are you?” I asked, the moment I was sure my feet were on solid ground.

“You keep asking that,” Eren rolled his eyes. “I’m Eren, your—“

“Boyfriend, right you keep repeating that.”

“You know what I’ve always wanted to do?” Eren asked, ignoring my annoyance.

“What?” I asked, waiting for the vertigo to fade away.

“Go on a fancy date to a real sit down restaurant.”

“Wouldn’t we all,” I drawled, having decided to wash my hands of the kid. That’s it. I’m done. I’m out.

“Levi…” he fiddled with his thumbs and swayed on the spot.

“What?” I snapped.

“Will you take me out on a fancy date? A real date?” he begged.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek deciding. On the one hand, I really didn’t want to spend any more time with him than I had to. On the other hand, it might not be in my best interest to anger a maybe-alien brat with superpowers.

“Fine,” I sighed and he cheered.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Fear set in as I realized now that I knew their plans, I was likely a target of their unscrupulous machinations._
> 
> More "disappeared" people fall from the sky. Levi finds out what really happened that night in the cornfield.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is [perksofbeingawaifu](http://perksofbeingawaifu.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Tracking tag is #fic: starboy
> 
> If you like, please leave kudos or comments!
> 
> \--
> 
> I've made changes to the story tags and you should take a look at them for this chapter especially.
> 
> **TW: Character Death**
> 
> I wasn't really sure how to tag this since it's complicated but uh, yeah.

The sign on the Survey Corp Shipping doors read “Gone for lunch! Be back in five!” and had hung there all day, its owners far too busy with certain—ah— _other_ activities. Armin frowned at the sign, hands on his hips. An alley cat brushed up against the side and Armin looked at its curled tail excitedly.

“Hello!” he called to the cat, following it around the side until he saw the sign that read, “Smith Residence.”

Erwin opened the door to find a beaming Armin holding the tortoiseshell.

“Hello! I’m looking for Eren. Is he here?”

Erwin looked around at the woman and child behind Armin before patting the cat on the head.

“No, I’m sorry. He and Levi went out. Can I help you?”

“Man, I sure hope so!” the five year old drowning in an extra-large mustard colored shirt called. “We got problems, buddy.”

“I’m sorry. Who are you?” Erwin asked in his best Dad voice.

“It’s me, Jean! We just met this morning Dodo-head!”

Since Jean’s appearance had taken on that of a kindergartener, so had his insults.

“Right,” Erwin nodded, because today was really the day anything was possible. “And you are?”

“Mikasa,” the woman said, bouncing Jean on her hips.

“Of course you are,” Erwin said. “Why don’t you all come inside?”

“Is this your cat?” Armin asked, petting the animal.

“No, that’s just a stray.”

“Oh…can I bring him in anyways? I’ve never pet a cat before.”

“Hello!” called Hanji. “I’ve made a German chocolate cake! Any takers?”

“Yes please!” they all chorused.

Erwin wrapped his arms around her waist as she busied about cutting the slices, humming as she did so, and setting a plate down in front of each of them.

Jean practically face planted into his, ignoring the fork and instead curling his chubby fingers around the cake and stuffing it into his mouth. Mikasa instead carefully took little nibbles because, she reasoned, she was a lady now and she had better start using her big-girl manners.

“Does this cake have gluten in it?” Armin asked, frowning slightly as he sized up his piece.

“Ah…yes, it does,” Hanji apologized.

“Excellent,” Armin said happily, shoveling a large bite into his mouth. “Oh my god, gluten tastes amazing!” he said, mouth completely full.

“So what brings you kids here?” Erwin asked, dodging Hanji’s frosting knife.

“We’re looking for Eren,” Armin repeated. “He hasn’t come back yet.”

“Why are you looking for him?” Erwin asked, kissing frosting off Hanji’s nose.

“Because he’s awesome,” Mikasa said, swinging her feet.

“He’s okay,” Jean shrugged as Hanji set a bowl of ice cream in front of him.

“Because we’re supposed to meet him,” Armin explained.

“Meet him?” Erwin asked, confused.

“Oh, yes, honey, I’m sorry, I forgot to tell you. We’re leaving tomorrow,” Hanji said, spooning a bite.

“Oh. Okay then.”

“But we can’t leave without Eren,” Armin explained as they migrated towards the living room for the nightly news.

“Further developments on the recent discovery that Eren Jaeger, a local Trost boy thought dead, is in fact alive,” the dark haired anchor stacked her notes. “More reports of previously disappeared persons suddenly reappearing are flooding in. My co-anchor, Christa Lenz has more.”

“Thanks Ymir, we’re receiving reports of three others previously thought dead or missing have been found. One has been identified as a Bertholdt Hoover, who after being seriously wounded in Vietnam was brought back to Trost and kept in the coma patient ward before suddenly disappearing from the hospital back in 1972. One local caught this footage of his reappearance on camera—“

There was a shot of a buxom blonde sunbathing by the pool when suddenly a man fell from the sky, cannonballing into the water, splashing all over the blonde and the camera.

“And another mysterious reappearance, a woman missing since 1939 after leaving a bank, actually stopped for an interview with our new correspondent.”

“Why have you come back after all these years?” the junior reporter hopped after her eagerly.

“Thought I’d go see Gone with the Wind,” she shrugged. “See what all the fuss was about.”

“And now that you’ve finally seen it, what did you think?”

“Overrated,” she said in a bored voice, walking past him.

“Uh, well there you have it. That was the first and only interview with Annie Leonhardt since her disappearance in 1939 and, as you can see, she hasn’t aged a bit. Back to you in the studio, Christa.”

The footage cut back.

“I just love what you’ve done with your hair tonight,” Ymir said, leaning over the desk.

“You’re so bad,” Christa giggled.

“You’re on!” the producer hissed.

“But not all of the mysterious visitors had as easy a time adjusting. This Vine of one poor soul in Civil War regalia shows his hilarious first encounter with a car.”

A freckled man, wearing Union Blues walked dazedly into the street and a Volkswagen nearly struck him. He spun on the spot and another car slammed on its brakes, honking loudly. The man jumped back onto the sidewalk with a girlish scream.

Both Christa and Ymir were laughing heavily when the camera cut back.

“I just love that! Beep! Ahh!” Ymir mimed.

“It’s funny because he doesn’t know what cars are!” Christa agreed as Jean drove his Hot Wheels up the side of the television screen.

There was another knock at the door and Erwin looked out to see the same freckled soldier who moments earlier had been on the television.

“Is Eren here?” he asked wearily.

“No, come on in,” Erwin said, welcoming him.

Jean continued making vrooming noises with his car, running it into the freckled man’s boot. He made a loud explosion sound with his mouth.

“Rrrr, rrrrrrrrr, ahhh! BOOM!”

“I do not like these horseless carriages,” the newcomer said exhaustedly.

<*>

“Hello, Mr. Braun!” one of the night shift nurses called to the elderly man cheerfully.

“Evening ladies,” he said tipping his hat.

“You’re all dressed up,” the nurse pointed out kindly.

“Yes, my Bertie is coming to see me.”

She smiled sadly. Thought Mr. Braun was not yet sixty-five, he leaned heavily on a cane from an injury back in the war and had early onset Alzheimer’s. His son, unable to tend to his father’s needs, had put him in the home. Patients had a tendency to become increasingly confused and agitated later in the day. It was called ‘sundowning’ and the nurse was very familiar with it.

“Your son is coming to visit next weekend,” she said, holding his arm gently and attempting to steer him back to his room.”

“No, not that Bertie, my Bertie. I saw him on the television. He’s coming to see me and we’re going away.”

Mr. Braun would not be budged so the nurse had an orderly keep an eye on him as he shuffled out to sit on the bench in front of the building. He hummed pleasantly, peeling an orange. The orderly, annoyed that his smoking break was being spent watching the old fart eat his orange, decided to light up anyways. He turned away only for a moment but when he looked back Mr. Braun was gone.

“Shit,” he said. There went his job. He decided to finish the cigarette before he informed the nurses.

<*>

“This place is so fancy!” Eren said, holding the menu to his mouth.

“You’d think they’d be able to properly clean their cutlery then,” I said, lifting up the fork that had been set by my plate that still had a grain of rice in between the tines. “And look there’s spots on the wine glasses.”

“Are you sure you can afford this?” Eren asked, fidgeting in his jeans.

Not really no. I mean, I only raked in a modest salary working for Erwin and Hanji. But how often did your sixteen year old boyfriend fall out of the sky?

“I mean, I can pay you back for my share,” he said, eyes flickering up to me over the edge of the menu.

“No, kid it’s my treat,” I said.

“Oh good,” Eren said, looking relieved. “I don’t get my allowance until Wednesday.”

“Hello, gentlemen, have we had time to look over the menu?” the server asked pleasantly.

“No, but I’ve had time to see your dishwasher needs to be fired,” I said, handing the dirty utensils to him.

“Don’t mind him. He’s always like this,” Eren beamed at the server. “When he helped paint the sets for the school play he spent like twenty minutes putting down newspapers so we didn’t get any on the stage.”

“Well, isn’t that sweet of your teacher to treat you,” the server smiled.

“Oh, he’s not my teacher, he’s my boyfriend,” Eren informed him.

“Is that so?” the server’s smile dropped and he fixed me with a dirty glare before leaving.

“Ah! I just can’t decide,” Eren wiggled in his seat. “I just never thought we’d ever get to go someplace like here.”

That pricked my curiosity.

Tapping on the menu and trying to sound casual, I asked, “Oh yeah? And why’s that?”

“Oh you know,” he shrugged.

“No, I don’t. Why don’t you explain it to me?” I tried setting down my menu.

Eren kept his up over his eyes to avoid the iron stare I was fixing him with.

“I mean, I’ve never had filet mignon, but the sea bass just looks so amazing,” he said attempting to distract me.

“Eren, what did you mean?” I asked, pulling his menu down.

“Uh…” he grabbed his water glass and gulped down several sips. “It’s just that I’m not going to be here for very long so I didn’t think we’d have time for a nice sit down dinner at the fanciest restaurant in town.”

“What do you mean you’re not going to be here long? You just got back?”

“Now that we’ve had a little time to look at the menu, anything look good?” the server asked, setting down a new set a silverware for me with some vehemence. Damnit, I probably have great deal of spit to look forward to with my entrée.

“I am stuck between the filet mignon and the sea bass. I’ve never had filet mignon before!”

“Well we’ll have to fix that!” the server grinned. “Ours is the best. I’ve tried both and I can objectively say that the filet mignon is far superior.”

Of course it is, it’s twice as expensive. I placed my order and absentmindedly handed my menu over to our server.

Eren was busy sipping his coke and kept looking up at me as I crossed my arms in front of my chest and waited.

“So Coach was saying if I keep up my grades and work more with the underclassmen then come senior year I could be captain of the basketball team—“

“Eren…”

“But if I go for it, that means my competition for captainship is Jean. And I can’t go against my best friend.”

“Eren.”

“Do you think he would make an exception and we could be co-captains? Because that would be so cool.”

“Eren what do you mean you’re not going to be here long?” I asked.

I kept catching him in these strange almost-lies. He said he wasn’t going to be here long but here he was planning his future as co-captains of the basketball team. He didn’t remember the past but seemed to accept any new developments since his arrival like his father taking off for Australia or his new adopted sister. Despite his breakdown earlier, he immediately regressed back to chatting about his mom in the car ride over as if she were still alive. I knew he knew she was gone, so then why didn’t he act like it? And I knew he knew more about his disappearance because he kept letting things like this slip.

“We’re leaving soon,” is all he admitted.

“We? Who is we? Are there more of you? Oh my god it is an invasion.”

Eren froze, his entire body seizing up, he tilted his head back and let his mouth drop open in a silent scream as he lifted his finger to point at me. Fear set in as I realized now that I knew their plans, I was likely a target of their unscrupulous machinations.

“Ahaha!” Eren laughed at my face. “Donald Sutherland from Invasion of the Body Snatchers, remember? We saw it at the drive-in theatre before they bulldozed it to replace it with that Kmart?”

We had just gone to see that for Halloween.

“That wasn’t funny,” I muttered as Eren continued laughing hysterically.

“You were so cold the entire night but you wouldn’t let me turn on the car because you thought we’d get carbon monoxide poisoning from the car exhaust.”

“So you gave me your letterman jacket,” I remembered.

Eren’s other teammates had been pissed to see a punk thug like me wearing the jacket. One hit me in the jaw and Eren caught the senior around the middle and tackled him to the ground until Jean picked him off. That was the first time Eren had hit someone for me and it wasn’t the last. All of us were pulled in to the principal’s office for a “talking-to” and they threatened to kick Eren off the team if he didn’t shape up. Immediately his teammates all took blame for the incident. They didn’t want Eren off the team, he was too good. After that there was an uneasy truce between my clique and the jocks.

“You remember!” Eren said excitedly.

“Of course I remember. I remember everything,” I grumbled.

“It’s just I thought you had forgotten.”

“Why do you think I would have forgotten?” I asked, growing increasingly frustrated. “You keep asking me if I remember past events.”

“I just want you to remember that you love me.”

“Why?” I begged. “Why is it so important to you that I remember that?”

“Because you’re not acting like you do,” he said scratching at his arm. “Do you…do you still love me?”

Did I?

That was a tricky question. Ours was a love interrupted. Do you ever stop loving someone who was taken from you? I had been head over heels with Eren when he flew into the night sky, but years of his name being associated with hatred and fear and persecution had clouded over my feelings for him. Never once following his disappearance did people express sympathy for my loss. I had suffered just as much as the Jaegers, but I was forced to mourn in silence. Before his sudden reappearance just hearing Eren’s name was enough to make me clench my jaw and crack my knuckles. The years had taken my love for Eren and turned it into a bitter poison I was forced to drink daily.

“I don’t know,” I said honestly.

“Oh,” he said sadly.

“Sorry,” I apologized.

“That’s okay, I’ll just have to try harder to remind you!” he said enthusiastically.

“No,” I snapped. “Stop that. Just stop. If I have to listen to you recount one more story of us I will leave. I will get up and leave, do you want that?”

“No,” he said, eyes wide and a little frightened. Good.

“Love isn’t just anecdotes, love is…well it’s complicated. And all you’ve done is say ‘Hey Levi! Remember when you and Farlan Saran-wrapped Mr. Schulz’s car? Or remember how Isabel’s boyfriend dumped her at Homecoming and so we made all of the freshman propose to her?’”

“Ha, that was funny,” Eren laughed.

“Well you can’t just count on the past to make me love you! I’m a different person now.”

“ _Eh—_ ” he started, eyeing how I was aggressively rubbing the wine glass with my napkin to rid it of spots.

“No, I am,” I insisted, halting my obsessive behavior. “ _I am_. That’s not up for debate.”

He still looked at me uncertainly. Had I really changed? I mean just being around Eren was enough to bring back old habits I thought I’d kicked. You know when you find a piece of beach glass and hold it in your palm and it feels so round and smooth and you think, “Wow, all it took was time to buff out all the rough edges.” Well, people aren’t a polished shard of Heineken. Time takes us, and instead of smoothing out all of our flaws, only sharpens them into finer more jagged points. It’s like our most extreme personality quirks are distilled until we’re nearly caricatures of ourselves.

What I’m trying to say is I was an asshole when was young and time has only made me better at it.

“And we haven’t had one honest conversation since you showed up, Eren! How am I supposed to love you when I can’t trust you?”

“You don’t trust me?” Eren asked, hurt.

Okay, so maybe I’m going to hell. But I was going to leverage Eren’s desperation for my love in exchange for some fucking answers. Call me a manipulative prick, I don’t care. I just had to get to the truth.

“How can I?” I shrugged, seeing he was falling for it. “When all you’ve done since you showed up is lie to me?”

“I’ve never lied to you!” Eren insisted.

God he was so earnest. I was definitely going to hell.

“Then why won’t you tell me what happened when you ran into the field?”

“Well…” Eren said cautiously. “What do you remember happened?”

“We got in a fight. You stormed off. I heard you scream and I saw you floating—fucking _floating_ , Eren—in a beam of light before I was blinded and then you were gone.”

“There you go then!” he said relieved.

“And what about the others?”

“Sorry?” he asked confusedly.

“You said there were others?”

“Oh yeah, don’t worry about them. We’re leaving soon.”

“Who all is leaving? Wait, when you say ‘we’ you don’t mean me as well do you?”

“Of course!” Eren beamed. “I came back for you after all!”

I felt like someone had slapped me in the face. The server brought our food and I was still staring at him completely confused and a little terrified.

“This looks amazing!” Eren cheered a little. He took a bite and then practically melted into the tablecloth. “Oh my, this is so good. Here, take a bite Levi!”

He extended his fork.

“You came back for me?” I asked, declining his offer.

“Of course I did.”

“For…me?” I repeated.

“Yes!”

“You came back for me. I am thirty four years old, Eren. I’m a clean freak. I’m depressed. I’m an insomniac. I am antisocial and rude. Who in their right mind would come back for me?”

“Well I didn’t think you’d be so old,” he admitted. “It’s okay though, where we’re going we won’t need bodies.”

“We won’t need bodies,” I repeated.

“Yup.”

“Eren,” I began as evenly as possible. “I don’t know what happened to you or where you’ve been but I happen to like my body.”

“I like it too,” he said, running his foot up my leg playfully.

“So you can understand why I have reservations about going somewhere where I have no body.”

“It’s not so bad. You get used to it really quick.”

“Eren, what the hell happened to you?” I shouted and people turned to stare. “You owe me an explanation!”

Eren set down his fork and knife carefully, chewed and swallowed. He opened his mouth once, then closed it.

“Fine,” I snapped, setting down my napkin. “I’m leaving!”

“Wait! I—“ Eren suddenly looked somber.

I’d played my hand and now I just had to wait to get some answers. I slowly sat back down.

“I really didn’t want to bring this up,” he said quietly, folding his arms across his body.

He looked a little different then. Older, but only behind the eyes. I remembered all those nights when I lay awake in bed, trying to picture what he would look like at twenty, at thirty, and even at forty. Here he was just as I remembered him, but _those eyes_. Those eyes were just as I imagined.

“When you said you didn’t want to go to college I got so mad. I felt like you were saying you didn’t see a future with me. That come graduation we’d break up and part like strangers and I just didn’t want that. And it hurts me, it always cuts me when you say that you’re not worthy of college. When you won’t even try. It was like you looked into the future and decided there was nothing to try for. You never had a dream, Levi. Or if you did, you never shared it with me. So I got mad. I stormed off. I do that. I did that.”

_“I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”_

_“So don’t.”_

_“I won’t then!”_

_“Whatever, I don’t need you telling me what to do. Throwing a tantrum like a fucking girl.”_

“I stormed off. And even though it was really cold, I had it in my head that I was just going to keep walking. I was going to walk until I wasn’t mad at you anymore. I was going to walk until I forced you to chase me. I wanted you to come after me. And you did. You did.”

I listened intently but my eyes kept falling out of focus as I tried to take it all in. The tea lights behind Eren’s head blurred into a crown of floating orbs, reminding me of the stars in the sky that night.

_“Eren! Eren come back! C’mon it’s fucking freezing out and I don’t want to sit out here all night!”_

He gave a rueful smile, wrapping his arms tighter around himself.

_“Eren come back! I’m sorry! C’mon, let’s go to your house and watch tv with some cocoa or something!”_

“I made it all the way to the other side of the field to the road when I heard you calling for me. But I was still so mad so I thought I’d walk the five miles home and then I heard the car. I must have heard the car because I turned and I saw the driver. And…yeah.”

As he spoke I started to remember in little waves and my legs started trembling. Unease started unfurling itself in my chest like a tiny monster. Why did I suddenly remember making it through the field to the opposite edge? A server hurried by with a red tablecloth and it was like I saw Mr. Hannes’ red convertible swerve past my peripheral vision all over again.

_“Slow the fuck down, asshole!”_

Then I remembered a whimper behind me. A frightened, bubbling sound.

_“Eren? Baby! Eren! It’s okay, it’s okay, you’re going to be okay. Oh Jesus, oh fuck. Help!”_

I had screamed myself hoarse. I had screamed and screamed until my chest burned and my voice cracked, but no one came.

Clearing his throat, he continued, “Eren Jaeger was hit by a drunk driver on November 20th, 1996. He died and when he did, his whole life didn’t flash before his eyes, just you. We took pity on him. We couldn’t make him whole again but we could take him with us. The parts we couldn’t fix we filled with energy scattered across the stars. But he—I—missed you and was sad, so we brought me back. Just for one day before we leave this place for good.”

_“Help.”_

I had this thought that if I managed to get him to the truck, I could drive him to the hospital and they’d be able to resuscitate him somehow. I carried him as far as I could before my legs gave out and we collapsed there.

_“Don’t go. Don’t go.”_

But he was gone.

Then there was a loud boom, the light descended on both of us and he was taken from me. He was taken from me and all I had been able to do was let out a soft whisper like a prayer.

_“Don’t go.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides*


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7 or "How to Break-up with Your Alien Boyfriend"
> 
>   _“You’re upset,” Eren observed._
> 
> _“Of course I’m upset,” I said through gritted teeth. “You just told me that my Eren died.”_
> 
> _“No, I told you that I died and was brought back,” Eren said around a mouthful of steak. “Were you always this negative?”_
> 
> Levi gets angry and finally manages to convince Eren of the gravity of the situation and just what he missed out on while he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is [perksofbeingawaifu](http://perksofbeingawaifu.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Tracking tag is #fic: starboy
> 
> If you like, please leave kudos or comments!
> 
> \--
> 
> TW: panic attack
> 
> Levi is a dick this chapter, but I promise he's not needlessly cruel (eh, maybe a little). He has a point he's trying to make.

I pushed out of my chair, knocking it over a mad scramble for the bathroom. I threw myself into the handicap stall and sunk to the ground. I couldn’t even cry. There were tears sure, but I couldn’t sob. I couldn’t do anything, just like then. The boy I loved had died and I couldn’t do anything. I think I was having another panic attack. Breathe in. Out. Inhale. Exhale.

There was a curt rap on the door.

“Sir, is everything alright in there?”

“Yes,” I managed to call back.

I splashed cold water on my face before heading back into the dining room. My eyes were red and bloodshot as I glared at the creature—the thing—that had taken Eren away from me. Ever since that night Eren disappeared people had labeled me a violent miscreant and I’ll admit I broke a few noses and blackened a few eyes in my time but I don’t think I ever felt murderous rage quite like I did then. What are the five stages of grief? Denial? Well I’d been denying Eren’s death for eighteen years. What comes after denial? Anger. Oh and I felt it like a red hot heat coursing through my veins.

“You’re upset,” Eren observed.

“Of course I’m upset,” I said through gritted teeth. “You just told me that my Eren died.”

“No, I told you that I died and was brought back,” Eren said around a mouthful of steak. “Were you always this negative?”

“You’re not Eren. You just said you brought back Eren.”

“We are Eren. We are just also…more.” He shrugged.

“I don’t want Eren plus!” I snapped. “I want my Eren. I want my Eren back. I would rather he came back missing some parts than whatever it is you are. Do you hear me? Give my Eren back.”

“I just told you, we can’t. I can’t.”

“So what are you exactly? Like some human alien hybrid?”

“Ew. You are so gross. Why do you always have to be so morbid?”

“You said you filled in all the missing spaces with energy, what kind of energy?”

“Starlight.”

He might just as well have said fairy dust for all the sense that made.

“So you’re some kind of…” I struggled. “Starboy?”

“If that’s what you want to call me. Can I try your sea bass? I want to know what I missed out on.”

He reached forward and snagged a bite.

“That’s pretty good too. I should have just gotten both.”

“This is what you do? You just fly around fixing people? Is that what you did with my eyes and hearing?”

“Oh, yeah. That was sort of a byproduct of us altering your memory.”

“Why did you alter my memory? You had no right. Do you hear me? You had no right!” I shouted. I didn’t care if people stared anymore.

“I thought it was very kind,” Eren said, ignoring my outburst.

“You fixed my sight and hearing and you cured Hanji.”

“No, not cured. It’s only temporary.”

“Temporary? Then what happens when you leave? She’s going to lose the ability to walk again. She’s going to die! How long does it take before it wears off? What if that Armin kid decides to go waltzing in an apiary and it wears off in the middle? Hm? Did you even think about what you were doing before you decided to fuck with people’s lives like that?” I shook the table and the ice cubes in our drinks clinked against the glass.

“I didn’t do anything they didn’t want me to!” Eren insisted, growing a little heated. “I just gave them what they wanted!”

“You’re just a regular Santa Claus then, you know that?”

“And it’s fine because they’re coming with us!”

“They—meaning Hanji and Armin—“

“Yes.”

“—are coming with us to the place with no bodies.”

“Yes!” Eren looked very proud of himself.

“Un-fucking-believable.”

“Why are you so mad? I gave them what they wanted! I can give you want you want. What is it you want? Armin wanted to stop being weak. Hanji…well she just wanted to make cake. Mikasa wanted to be big and noticed and Jean wanted to be small and I gave that to them. I can give it to you too. What do you want? More than anything in the world?”

What do I want?

I thought for a moment.

“I want to be free,” I answered.

“Then come with me,” he said excitedly, reaching forward to take my hand shocking me again. “Sorry.”

I rubbed my hand angrily. He misunderstood me. I wanted to be free of Eren. I wanted to be free of his ghost. I wanted to be free of suspicion. I wanted to be able to live my life just once without sideways glances and whispers behind palms.

“Come with us and we’ll be free. No more loneliness. No more sadness. No more pain.”

“How do you decide who gets to go?”

“Huh?”

“How do you decide who gets to live in this paradise? Hm? Just boyfriends and people you fall on? Is there a quota? How do you decide who is worthy?”

“Well, I suppose it’s whoever wants to go really.”

“Are you going to just walk by a cancer ward and grab everyone there? What about people suffering from other terminal illnesses? Where do you draw the line?”

“I hadn’t really thought about it.”

“No, you really haven’t. And you know how I know you’re not really Eren? Eren would have come back for his mother.”

Eren sucked in a sharp breath.

“You’re just some strange puppet who’s been told he’s a real boy. You—I’m talking to the aliens in you—you _freaks_ brought back a teenage boy but you never let him grow. You never let him experience real life. You have no concept of what makes humans the way they are. That—“

I jabbed Eren’s hand with his fork.

“That is humanity.”

“Ow!” he jumped.

“We tear our bodies apart to grow, we lose teeth, we lose hair. Humanity is zits, hemorrhoids, stretch marks, farts, stubbed toes, broken bones, food—“

I began shoveling the fish into my mouth, stuffing it full, like a crazed man. Fuck it, I _was_ crazed.

“Stop,” Eren said weakly.

“Fucking—you never got to experience that before you left Earth, Eren, but it is the _best_. It’s gross, it’s sloppy, and I _love_ it. Shitting, oh my god, shitting is amazing. Smacking your funny bone. That’s all humanity and that’s something that a Starboy like you would never understand. So how dare you, Eren. How dare you leave and then how dare you come back and tell me that my life has been meaningless up until this point. I would rather live on this shitty planet with its dirt and bugs and horrible people than spend one moment bodiless and sprinkled throughout the galaxy with you. Because what you’re describing isn’t living. It’s just existing. Life without conflict is boring and worthless. Life without the nitty gritty, uncomfortable tactile and visceral minutia of everyday life is not a life I want to have.”

“Why are you so mean?” Eren said, mouth trembling. “Why are you always so cruel? When did you become this afraid of everything? You used to be so brave, Levi and I loved that about you. But now you’re—“

He halted, hiccupping.

“Go on say it,” I begged.

“You’re old.”

“Don’t stop there!” I encouraged, throwing my hands up.

“You’re old and you’re bitter and you’re just mean.”

“And whose fucking fault is that, Eren? Why did you wait until I was old and jaded? Why didn’t you take me with you back then? Why didn’t you come for me when I was young and still loved you? Hey you, aliens in there, or stardust or whatever, was I not good enough to take then? C’mon it was a great deal! Two for the price of one!”

“You don’t understand! That’s not how it works. Why are you being like this? It’s like I—“

I waited.

He had a terrible epiphany. I could see it in his eyes. A sort of panic and confusion that even he couldn’t deny.

“It’s like I don’t even know you anymore,” he whispered in horror.

“Because you don’t, Eren. You don’t know me. You left me behind and I changed. You left me and you helped make me this way.”

“I don’t think I did,” Eren said, blinking back tears. “I think maybe you always were this way and maybe I was too blind to see it. But now—now I think I might not love you. I think I might hate you.”

“Excellent!” I clapped.

“I hate you. I hate you, Levi Ackerman!” he spat and I shrugged.

He took off the necklace he wore—a bronze key I’d found while cleaning out the props closet. I’d put it on a leather strap and told him it was the key to my heart. It was cheesy, but it had meant something to us then. He flung it at me and I didn’t flinch.

He wanted it to mean something. He wanted me to know just how much he hated me and when I reacted by taking a sip of water, he saw how little I cared. His brows went up and he ran from the table and out the door. I would have let him go but I remembered what had happened the last time he stormed off so I threw my credit card on the table and chased after him.

“Ow!” he gasped collapsing in the park across the street. “What is this? Ow! It hurts.”

“Yeah, I bet it does,” I said, helping brace him against a tree.

“You broke my fucking heart Levi!” he gasped. “And it really hurts!”

“I know it does, kid,” I said patting him on the back.

“Does it always hurt like this?”

“Yup. Every time. That’s what you missed out on while you were floating in space.”

“Why would I ever want to experience this? Who would ever want to experience this pain?”

“Because,” I said squatting down next to him. “You get to go through it again and again.”

He looked aghast.

“You get to fall in love all over again,” I told him, brushing his bangs out of his face and managing to avoid a shock. “And when they rip your heart out you get to feel this pain. Rinse, repeat. And it sucks now but falling in love again is one of the best feelings you’re ever going to have.”

He appeared to be calming down some.

“And you, you’ve experienced this?” he asked, still rubbing his chest.

“I—well. No.”

Eren blinked up at me with his watery eyes, tiny droplets clinging to his eyelashes. The glistening wetness only made the green more stunning, but I had hardened my heart into stone.

“There wasn’t really anyone after you.”

“I thought you said everyone experiences this,” he said quietly.

“Well, not everyone. Not me.”

“Why not?”

“Because I was too afraid to fall in love with anyone else.”

Partly because I thought I might also be accused of their murder. But also because falling in love the first time had been so terrifying and the pain I felt when Eren was ripped away from my life was something I never wanted to experience again. So I shut myself off from the world. I kept retreating further and further within myself until there was only a tiny little Levi left inside my small body.

“I never thought you could be afraid of anything,” Eren said heavily with the weight of someone who has since learned differently.

“I was always afraid. I was afraid of everything. Why do you think I put on that tough guy act? You were always the brave one.”

Eren sniffed.

“Here, come up off the dirt there. Do you want to walk around some? Do you want me to take you home?”

“No, I…I need to think for a bit.”

“Do you want to come over to my place?” I said in the kindest voice I could muster.

“Your parents won’t mind?” he asked, biting his lip.

“Starboy, I haven’t lived with my parents since I was eighteen.”

“Oh.”

I drove to my place. Eren was quiet the entire time. He seemed to be thinking a great deal about our conversation. I felt bad for doing that to him. But he had come back as a sixteen year old in love with a boy he’d put on a pedestal. I wasn’t that perfect then and I’m far from that perfect now. It hurt, I know, but I needed some way to disabuse him of that notion. The Levi he loved was a myth.

I put the necklace over my rearview mirror and every time I turned the wheel it swung back and forth. Eren eyed it and swallowed heavily.

“Are you feeling any better?” I asked because he was so quiet and I’d gotten used to his yammering over the course of the day and his sudden silence made me nervous.

“I don’t know,” he said quietly.

At a red light, he looked out the window and I could see the sadness and confusion in his eyes reflected off the glass.

“What’re you thinking about?” I tried, because at this point I was feeling incredibly guilty.

“What’s weefee?” he asked suddenly.

“Weefee? Do you mean Wi-Fi?”

“Yeah, I keep seeing signs for it everywhere. ‘Free Wi-Fi!’ Can I get a free Wi-Fi? Is it like a candybar?”

“No, it’s like internet—“

“The world wide web,” he corrected.

“Yes, but it’s like all around us.”

“Really?” Eren asked stretching his hands out to touch the invisible Wi-Fi.

“…You know I have absolutely no idea how to explain this. When we get to my place I’ll Google it for you.”

“Google?”

I made a strangled noise in my throat.

“I’ve really been gone that long?” Eren wrinkled his nose.

“It’s like trying to explain CDs to someone from the 70s.”

“Smaller records. Bam. Done. Easy.”

“You’re right that was actually easy.”

“Yeah, see you’re just terrible at this.”

I laughed.

“I am. I am a really bad tour guide. Okay, let me explain what you missed. Um. Not much really? We have a black president—“

“Holy shit really?”

“Yeah. And um. No one really listens to CDs anymore, sorry. Your Blockbuster card is worthless. Madonna is still making music.”

“Still?”

“Yes. Uh, the Simpsons is still on air. We were in two new wars. Kindof still are.”

“Gross.”

“Yeah, it’s a whole thing. I probably don’t have time to explain to you all the shit that went down. But no, really, not that much has changed. The hardest thing to explain to you is probably the internet. Oh, MTV stopped airing music videos.”

“What do they air then?”

I hesitated. “You don’t want to know.”

Eren sighed and put his feet up on the dash, just like he used to in my truck. Sometimes he’d lean over and I’d put my arm around him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him start to lean and then catch himself. I gave a little chuckle.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing. It’s just that was the first real conversation we’ve had since you’ve been back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a little light at the end of this chapter! ^_^ I know it's cute to think of an adoring Eren going "Levi! Levi! I love Levi!" but after a while it starts to seem really creepy. It's not really love, it's obsession and I think Levi is right to be squicked out about it. My friend pointed out that I was making it seem like "love and sex define humanity!" and how that wasn't really fair to those who are asexual or aromantic. That is definitely not my intention. It's just in the range of human emotions and experiences, Levi chose the one he knew would get to Eren the most. He has missed out on a lot while he was gone and not just pop culture, but life experiences and it all hits home this chapter. 
> 
> Okay, I'll stop 'splaining the fic. Next chapter gets brighter.
> 
> No post this Thursday because of the holiday. See you Tuesday!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"I was living my dream before I came back to Earth. I know it’s hard for you to understand and you’ve made your feelings about it very, very clear, but there’s something so perfect in being part of something bigger than yourself. That was my dream. And I guess I just wanted to share it with you too.”_
> 
> Marco reveals some startling information. Levi tries to convince Eren to stay on Earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is [perksofbeingawaifu](http://perksofbeingawaifu.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Tracking tag is #fic: starboy
> 
> If you like, please leave kudos or comments!

There was a knock on the door and a harried Erwin answered it. He hadn’t asked when the Union soldier, who he’d since learned was named Marco, showed up at his door. And he didn’t ask when Bertie and Mr. Braun appeared. But now he was a little curious just how many more people they were expecting and also how they all knew to gather at his residence.

“Hello, yes, come on in, we’re all just waiting.”

“Who is it?” Bertie asked Marco.

“It’s Annie. And she brought company,” Marco said.

Annie sucked on her movie drink straw and cocked a bored eyebrow. Behind her looked to be two movie theatre employees, judging by the Imperial Movies unicorn logo on their little vests.

“And who are your friends?” Marco asked pleasantly.

Annie shrugged.

“I don’t know, they just followed me.”

“Of course they did,” Marco sighed.

“Okay, Marlowe, I’ve got it. Quentin Tarantino’s epic story of the Bride, Kill Bill Volumes 1 & 2!” the curly haired movie theatre employee said stepping into the Smith household.

“Oh, yeah because she’d really be able to get all of the Japanese B-horror and grindhouse genre references! You never think, Hitch!” Marlowe shook his head. “Let’s see there’s Sympathy for Lady Vengeance and—“

“C’mon Annie, what do you think? This woman just chops up a bunch of people with a katana. Hiyah!” Hitch mimed arterial spray.

“Sounds stupid,” Annie said chewing on her straw. “Taste this.”

She forced the straw to Marco’s mouth.

“What is it? Oh my, that is sweet!”

“They drink these every day.”

“That can’t be healthy,” Marco said scratching his head.

“That’s what I said.”

“Okay, I’m going to go with the Number One classic of all time, the story of an Italian family—“

“Boo!” Hitch drowned him out.

“Casablanca?” Marlowe tried.

“Boo!” Marlowe then gasped, “What about Psycho?”

“Why are you only interested in the horror flicks?”

“That’s a classic! Hitchcock!”

“Hey, Moe and Curly, can you keep it down?” Erwin asked them.

“Nice,” Annie and Hitch said.

“Classic slapstick comedy reference,” Marlowe agreed. “Except Curly was actually the bald man, you were probably thinking of Larry.”

“Keep it up and I’ll call you Shemp.”

“We’re trying to think of a classic movie for Annie to see before we leave,” Hitch explained. “Like if you had to see one movie that captures the American cinema experience, what would it be?”

“I never asked them to,” Annie said, sipping her soda.

“Is that popcorn?” Armin asked indicating the bucket in her hand. “Could I have some?”

“Knock yourself out.”

“Awesome.” Armin took the bucket from her hands.

“Star Wars,” Hanji suggested. “It’s gotta be Star Wars.”

“Oh and which one would you suggest?” Marlowe asked as Jean began jumping on the sofa smacking people with a cardboard tube and making lightsaber noises. “Because the second one is objectively the best, but she won’t be able to follow along unless she’s seen the first.”

They debated which movie to watch for some time until Erwin, who was growing increasingly confused, finally said he was going to pick a movie. He selected it from the screen and then pulled Marco aside to talk to him.

“Why does this guy have pointy ears?” Annie asked.

“Because he’s a Vulcan,” Hitch explained.

“Sh!” Marlowe hissed. “I can’t believe he picked the one with the whales.”

“You seem sane,” Erwin addressed Marco in the kitchen. “Can you explain to me what’s going on?”

“We should have watched E.T.” Marlowe complained loudly.

“Oh, I think that might have been a little crass,” Armin said calmly, petting the cat.

“I mean, I don’t mind playing host but I would just like to know how long you all plan on staying.”

“How is E.T. crass?” Marlowe continued, earning popcorn thrown at him by Hanji.

“Well it’s just a sensitive subject,” Armin said.

“Who are you people?” Erwin asked Marco.

“Obviously they’re aliens,” Armin said and everyone turned and looked at him.

“I’m not an alien,” Mikasa said quietly as Jean shouted, “DIE ALIEN SCUM!” smacking Marlowe with his cardboard tube.

“We’re not aliens. We’re people!” Marco said quickly. “…Mostly.”

“Told you,” Armin said serenely.

“We’re leaving soon, but we can’t leave without Eren.”

“He’s probably with Levi, we’ll just drive by his place.”

“If Eren’s not here it’s because he doesn’t want to be,” Annie said, grabbing Jean and setting him in her lap.

“He needs to come with us, the sooner the better!” Marco said, looking worried.

“Why?” Erwin asked. “What’ll happen if he doesn’t?”

“He’ll die,” Marco said sadly and everyone turned back to look at him.

<*>

“I can’t believe it. All of this is your own place?” Eren said in awe.

It was a shitty loft apartment but Eren was acting like it was a secret clubhouse.

“Well, yeah. Welcome to adult life, Starboy. Can I get you anything? A beer? Something stronger?”

“I…uh, I’m not allowed to drink.”

“Hey, you’re technically thirty-four, you can do what you want and if you don’t want to drink that’s fine. Do you mind if I drink?”

“No. Go ahead.”

Eren watched me crack open a beer with his wide curious eyes.

“Cheers,” I said raising it to my lips. I watched him as I tilted my head back and he licked his lips. Always so obvious. “Want a sip?”

“I’m not really supposed—I mean, I’d like to try if that’s okay.”

I handed him the bottle and he casually tilted the bottle back like he was very experienced in such matters. The second the bitter liquid hit his tongue he coughed and sputtered and thrust the bottle back into my hands.

“That is disgusting.”

“You get used to it.”

“Why would anyone want to get used to it?”

“I don’t know. Somehow when you get older you crave the bitter just as much as the sweet. You start savoring dark chocolate and wine and dark leafy greens. There’s so much complexity in a bitter taste. Like my favorite thing to do in the morning is to brew this black Bergamot tea and I just sit and enjoy the morning. Just kindof let the warmth flow over me and rise with the sun.”

Eren watched me with an odd sort of smile on his face, leaning on his elbow over the back of the couch.

“I’m sorry, this must sound incredibly boring to you.”

“Sortof, yeah,” Eren wrinkled his nose.

“Ha. So Starboy, I was thinking. Why not stay?”

“Stay?” Eren asked.

“Yeah. You keep saying you have to go, but do you really?”

“I…I suppose not,” Eren said uncertainly.

“It’s just, if you stayed, I mean, I don’t know how you would go about it but maybe you could just reenroll in high school. You could join the basketball team and try for states again. Or since you are technically thirty-four, you could just get your GED. I’d help you find a job. I bet Erwin and Hanji would hire you at the shipping store. I mean you don’t have to work there, but you could until you figured out what you wanted to do.”

Eren appeared hesitant.

“Or, you know, do what you want,” I shrugged. I was fumbling this. “You said I didn’t have a dream and maybe that’s true, but you had so many dreams, Eren. What about them? Are you just going to forget about them? Are you just going to leave them behind?”

Like you left me behind.

“I don’t know,” he said thoughtfully.

“What is one big dream you had? When you came back what were you hoping to accomplish? And if you say get me to remember loving you, please just don’t.”

“Well, I was living it. I was living my dream before I came back to Earth. I know it’s hard for you to understand and you’ve made your feelings about it very, _very_ clear, but there’s something so perfect in being part of something bigger than yourself. That was my dream. And I guess I just wanted to share it with you too.”

“Huh.” I sat down next to him, tapping my fingers on the bottle. “I mean you really didn’t miss it?”

“Miss what?”

“Having a physical, corporeal body?”

“Oh, no. Not really.”

“What about…smells? Did you—do you miss smells? Like, I’ve got this buddy Mike and he can tell just from one whiff what kind of shampoo you use.”

“I mean, I like them now sure. I like how your apartment smells like lemons and tea. I like how you still smell like the same you. And—“ he took a whiff of his clothes. “How I still smell like me. Albeit, a me that desperately needs to change his shirt.”

I gave a little laugh.

“But no, I never really missed it. There was too much to experience. I didn’t really care about scent particles because I was one.”

“What about sight?” I tried, figuring I might as well go for all five senses.

“Oh Levi, the sights I saw,” he breathed. “I couldn’t even begin to describe them to you.”

“But you didn’t see them with these green peepers,” I asked, pointing at his eyeballs.

“No, more like I experienced it in rays of light and energy. And before you ask, yes I heard the universe too. I heard the birth of stars and I was carried on the backs of solar flares. I went all the way to the far edge and circled back. And no, I couldn’t touch it. Maybe that’s why I came back because I thought about what it felt like to touch you when we were alone under the stars. Like we were that night.”

He looked at my bare forearms as though he desperately wanted to touch them like he had then. But I had really gotten to him earlier so he didn’t. He didn’t try to call me obnoxious pet names or force his love on me. He hated me now. Or at least he said he did. But I didn’t mind. I’ve been hated practically my whole life so I can handle it.

“I don’t know. I thought it would be so easy to remind you that you loved me once. After all, look how well it worked the first time.”

“You mean when you mashed your face against mine in the middle of the school with all of our friends watching?”

“Pretty slick move, you gotta admit,” he puffed up.

I laughed again. Just a little. Talking like this was nice. I don’t know the last time I just chatted with someone over a beer. I have to say I missed it.

“But we couldn’t do the same thing this time around,” he said and I nodded in agreement.

“Sorry,” I apologized. “I mean, I’m not sorry that it didn’t work out how you wanted it to but I am sorry you got hurt.”

“It’s fine. I mean, it will be, I think. I know why you did what you did.”

There was an awkward pause and he looked away, swallowing hard.

“It’s just been too long. I’ve had a lot of time to think about that night when they took you and—“

“They didn’t take me, Levi! We didn’t take Eren! I agreed to go with them. They asked and I said yes.”

“Huh.”

I mulled this over, tapping my fingers on the bottle again.

“Taste,” I started and he laughed. “What does the universe taste like?”

“I couldn’t even begin to answer that.”

“Why not?”

“It’s like trying to explain your weefee.”

We put our hands over our mouths and laughed.

“Fair enough,” I acknowledged, running my hands through my hair exhaustedly.

He pulled the bottle from my hands and took another sip, catching my eyes for a moment before throwing his head back.

“Well?” I asked.

“Still incredibly bitter.” He shook his head and handed it back, nestling into the couch as he did so.

“Yeah,” I agreed, leaning over to take it. “Sometimes it just takes time. Look at me, I never liked, what was it—“

“Cinnamon. You hated Big Red. You would make me rinse my mouth with water to get the taste out.”

“Hah, yeah. It never really worked.”

“I only chewed it to cover up the taste of your cigarettes.”

“Is that why?”

“Yes. I really hated how you smoked—still do—so I would chew on Big Red to irritate you.”

“You’re so stubborn,” I whispered fondly.

“Levi,” he said quietly, his body vibrating with anticipation and I hadn’t realized how close I’d gotten until he was looking back and forth between each of my eyes and then down to my lips. “Are you going to kiss me?”

“You know what, Starboy? I think I might.”

And I did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chu~~~


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Electric Love”//BØRNS
> 
> _This wasn’t just the Eren I’d fallen in love with all those years ago. This was a newer Eren, still mine, but just a little more. Whatever had saved him was old—far older than me—and it had imbued him with their love. It wasn’t just Eren who wanted me, it was Eren and the whole cosmos who wanted me. The prospect was terrifying but arousing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is [perksofbeingawaifu](http://perksofbeingawaifu.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Tracking tag is #fic: starboy
> 
> If you like, please leave kudos or comments! 
> 
> \--
> 
> Edited the rating because of you know, wink-wink, nudge-nudge.
> 
> I really, really like this chapter. I hope you do too. ;D

I kissed him and it was wet and awkward like every first kiss but warm and soft like every kiss we’d ever shared before. Except for the shock.

“Ow!” I pulled away. “You shocked my lip.”

“Sorry,” he said breathlessly. “I just get so excited every time you get close to me.”

“Don’t do it again,” I ordered.

Except he did. I didn’t care, I was too busy lost in those full lips of his. His hair crackled when I ran my fingers through it and he moaned into my mouth as I ran my tongue over his.

“Oh,” he gave out a little cry. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

I did. I missed him so badly. There was no denying it was him, the way he nipped at my lips, the way he smiled against my skin, the way he made little humming noises as he undid the top button of my shirt.

I think I forgot about kissing. The thing about kissing is that it’s great. But sex is better. So once sex is on the table (not on the table, pervert, c’mon just hear me out) you don’t really spend too much time kissing, which is a shame really. Eren and I used to kiss all the time and I mean, all the time. Just hours and hours pressing our lips together and seeing how bruised we could make them. When he started getting a bit of scruff going, my entire chin and nose would be rubbed raw. Making out is hard work. And even harder to keep it entertaining so your mind doesn’t wander. There’s pressure, hard and soft, and sucking and licking. To use tongue or not to use tongue? Teeth? I used to bite up the shell of Eren’s ear and then suck on it and that usually got him going.

“Ah!” Eren gasped.

There we go.

Kissing was all we ever wanted, but that didn’t stop us from trying more. We’d seen each other naked before. We went skinny dipping in the lake in September and let me tell you what a terrible idea that was. Freezing cold. We were both too shy to actually look at each other. I caught the contrast of his member against his curly mane down there and it was a powerful enough sight to rev me up during my morning showers. Once in an overly sharing mood, the kind I didn’t get often, I confessed to him that I jacked off to the memory and it could have gone horribly. He could have called me a pervert or disgusting but instead he looked extremely flattered. He had been surprised that I had taken release on just a brief memory of his beautiful body. We had been in Jean’s hot tub and the adults were upstairs and at some point Jean left because his dad was shouting at him about being more responsible and filling up the car with gas or something equally stupid. Eren slipped his hands under the water and pulled me out of my swim trunks and we could still hear Jean being grounded but Eren was quiet. We both held each other’s gaze in that wide-eyed fear that accompanies sexual exploration. We could be caught. Jean’s dad would call Eren’s dad. Eren and I would be banned from seeing each other. Jean could catch us and tell everyone at school. We’d never done anything like this. Sure we’d touched each other before, but it was more like a game of chicken. Who would get their fingers the closest before retreating? Eren had once brushed my head during such a game and he pulled his hand out of my pants so fast you’d think I’d burned him. But in the hot tub it was different. He wanted to please me, to pleasure me. And it fucking terrified both of us.

“Did you touch yourself like this?” he had asked breathily, gripping me under the water, his bottom lip hovering just over the surface.

“Yeah,” I had responded, not wanting to move.

“Do you like that?” he asked and he didn’t ask it like lovers asked me now—as if they knew exactly how I wanted it and how they would give it to me—but with genuine curiosity in his voice as if he was surprised he could do that to me.

His hand had moved slowly, cautiously, but with the heat and the jets and Eren’s dilated pupils and the lazy way his mouth hung open, I didn’t last long. I remember gasping and trying not to be heard. Jean came down the stairs moments later and said he was grounded because his dad was an asshole. Eren grabbed his towel and had it around his waist before Jean could see how hard we both were. We changed in the guest bathroom, avoiding eye contact, but once I caught his gaze, I started laughing, then he started laughing. Eren got his damp suit down to his ankles and stood there. He stood there under my gaze, looking like a Grecian statue and just as frozen and stiff, like he wouldn’t come back to life until I touched him. I moved toward him and we kissed. My entire body curved against his and we fit together like two jigsaw pieces and I remember thinking how there weren’t any two people who were meant more for each other because even God or whoever was up there had crafted us so perfectly. I kissed his naked chest and moved down. I wasn’t quite sure I was doing. Porn is so easy to access online nowadays but back then the most I knew about blowjobs was from Bill Clinton and television. Oral didn’t used to be so popular. Or if it was no one talked about it. Or maybe they had and I never paid any attention? I wanted to try it. I didn’t really like the taste. Eren still tasted like the hot tub and soap. Then once my tongue gave a tentative lick, he jumped and I pressed my hands onto his hips and against the door. This way Jean was sure not to walk in on us.

I wanted to ask, “Am I doing it right?” but how would either of us know? I just continued licking and then I gave a suck and wow, cum is overrated, let me tell you. It’s salty and bitter and I did not appreciate it. I coughed and sputtered and grabbed a bunch of toilet paper to spit in.

“Sorry,” Eren apologized over and over again.

Then a week later he was upset about it still.

“I feel like I took advantage of you and that you’re mad at me,” he confessed. “I mean you clearly didn’t enjoy it.”

I had to shut him up with kisses then because he was so cute. After that we talked it out and decided that we wanted more—at some point, no rush. I got Farlan to buy me some condoms at the drugstore and Eren got a small packet of Astroglide from Ms. Ral’s Sex Ed class. He didn’t say how, but I assume he just pocketed it when she wasn’t looking. I started carrying them around at all times when we were together. After that first talk, we didn’t even try below the waist stuff again, but it made us feel like proper, safe adults to have it.

Back in the present, I didn’t need to have an older friend buy me condoms. I didn’t need to steal lube. I didn’t need below-the-water handjobs or blowjobs, I just needed Eren’s lips. I missed kissing.

“Do you remember,” he started and I kissed him before he could finish the sentence. “How we—“

I gave an affirmative noise because I knew what he was talking about.

“It’s just that—“

I agreed, sticking my tongue in his ear. He whined and thrust his hips against mine.

“I think, I mean, I’m technically an adult and—“

I pulled up and looked at him curiously.

“I want to…” he struggled to get the words out, looking very flushed and adorable. “We could. If you wanted.”

I tilted my head to the side. It was cute, but he was still sixteen—in body and mind. It wouldn’t really be right. Also, if he couldn’t even say the words then he wasn’t ready.

“Levi, I want you to make love to me,” he finished and behind his green eyes there was an odd sort of glow. His irises had a ring of gold at the center that certainly hadn’t been there before. I would have noticed.

That’s when I realized. This wasn’t just the Eren I’d fallen in love with all those years ago. This was a newer Eren, still mine, but just a little more. Whatever had saved him was old—far older than me—and it had imbued him with their love. It wasn’t just Eren who wanted me, it was Eren and the whole cosmos who wanted me. The prospect was terrifying but arousing.

“Please,” he added, biting back a little smile, as he brushed his thumb over my lips.

I kissed him in answer and he shocked me again but I was becoming used to it. It didn’t hurt now, in fact, it tingled, like the aftertaste of Listerine. We rolled around on the couch, our bodies tangling and I felt light and airy and—

“Ow,” I said as my head bumped against the fire sprinkler on my ceiling.

“Sorry,” Eren mumbled.

“Can we not do this on the ceiling?” I asked.

“It’s hard to control,” he whined and we lowered a little, doing the horizontal tango vertically.

“Wait,” I managed, sitting upright on the side wall. “This isn’t like some weird alien mating thing is it? I’m not going to wake up pregnant with some xenomorph, am I?”

“You are so weird, you know that?” Eren rolled his eyes, grinning as he kissed me.

I felt us tip again and then we were rolling down the side of the wall until I had Eren pinned against the windows and our bodies were perpendicular to the floor but somehow we were still standing.

“This is not much better,” I pointed out.

“Just don’t focus on it,” he said and his fingers were playing with the elastic on my boxers.

He had a point.

We continued kissing and pulling off each other’s clothing, our bodies moving from wall to wall like a pesky house spider. My hoodie clung to the blinds held in place by static. Eren’s jeans were on the ceiling. My shirt was on the TV but being pulled towards the kitchen as if held by a string. We hit the edge of the ceiling and it was like we were rolling down a small hill, except that hill went up to the loft.

“Uh oh,” Eren said, mostly naked as we stuck to the ceiling above my bed.

“What?” I asked.

But then my gut fell out my butt as we were dropped onto the bed heavily.

“Pick one center of gravity and keep it!” I ordered, pinning him down.

“I can’t believe we’re going to lose our virginity to each other,” he gasped excitedly, wiggling underneath me.

“Uh…sure,” I shrugged.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.

“Well, it’s not really my first time.”

“You mean you _cheated_ on me?” he accused.

“If you mean, did I have sex with other people while you were thought dead, then yes.”

“Oh,” he looked a little hurt.

“Look Starboy, I wish that my first time had been with you, but it wasn’t. Shit happens. That doesn’t mean our first time together is any less meaningful or that those other times were mistakes.”

“I love you,” he said it so plainly.

Love is rarely so freely given like that. The last person who told me they loved me said it as I was walking away in a desperate gamble to get me to stay. You can’t trade love for love. You can’t bargain love. You can only give it away.

I didn’t know if I could do that. Just give it away with no strings attached. I think I thought love was more like a boomerang, if I gave it then it should come back to me. Except I’d never given it. Not after Eren.

I’d been funneling all of my love into the memory of a boy in hopes that he’d come back to me, like a child wishing for a gift at Christmas. I’d wish on every first star and every time the clock flashed 11:11 and on every lucky penny on the street. All of those times, I was left feeling empty. My wishes hadn’t come true and after a while I stopped hoping. I stopped dreaming. Eren was wrong about one thing. I had once held a dream. It just got lost somewhere.

Yet now, here it was, the one thing, the one person I had begged the universe for over and over again.

“I love you too,” I told him.

I did. My old love was replaced with something fresh and exciting. A new love that I could give without extending my palm expecting something in return.

I kissed him.

His eyes were completely alight with that golden spark now and every time he touched me he left a trail of gold on my skin. My lips went down to his navel and neighbor dogs started howling. I pulled off his boxers and garage doors up the street started opening and closing. When I slipped a finger inside him, my kitchen appliances began whirring—the kettle started hissing, the blender bounced around on the counter, and my radio began flipping through stations. Neighbors would later complain that all their radios kept picking up some naughty porn station and the mother with the newborn across the hall listened on her baby monitor to all the sweet nothings I whispered to Eren in between each thrust. The gold sparks were flying out of him and were in me and around us. And when he finally came with a blissful gasp, the transformer up a block blew out and the entire area blinked out into darkness. I followed him shortly after.

“It couldn’t possibly have been that good,” I said, getting up and looking out the window at all the dark houses.

Eren only hummed pleasantly, glowing like a lightning bug on the bed.

<*>

“What’s happening?” Hanji asked, pulling her glasses on.

“It’s nothing, the power just went out,” Erwin said, looking out the window.

“I don’t like it!” Mikasa said in a small voice. Despite her newly adult body, she still had a fear of the dark. The dark took people away. The dark took Eren away. At least that’s what Daddy had said.

“Mommy always leaves out a nightlight for me,” Jean cried, tugging on Erwin’s pant leg.

“Okay, Mikasa has an excuse because she’s actually ten, but you don’t,” Erwin said, eyeing Jean critically.

“I’m still freaking out, man!” Jean protested.

“What’s going on?” Armin asked Marco, who was frowning at the dark city.

“Eren must be having a bad night,” Marco said quietly.

They weren’t to hurt people. Eren knew that much, Marco hoped.

“Or he’s having a very good night,” Annie said with a small smile.

Marco liked that idea better. He grinned back.

Bertie grabbed the bubbles they had been playing with earlier and blew into the wand, filling it with tiny gold sparks. They bounced around inside the iridescent bubble and floated across the room. Jean and Mikasa calmed, watching their dance. Mr. Braun, now looking a good thirty years younger, slipped his hand into Bertie’s and the taciturn man smiled.

“I don’t mind the dark. Out on the farm, it’s always like this and I like it.” Armin said, still looking out the window as another bubble flew by his ear. “I can see the stars.”

“I can see home,” Marco said.

“And that’s going to be our home too?” Armin asked.

“Yes,” Marco smiled.

“Where is it, exactly?” Armin asked, scanning the constellations and looking intently at Orion’s belt.

“Everywhere,” Marco waved his hand across the night sky and Armin could swear the stars waved back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ONE CHAPTER LEFT! :O


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Just hold on, hold on Eren!” I shouted, struggling through the corn.  
>  Eighteen years ago, I hadn’t been able to get Eren to safety but I was older, I was stronger and I was going to make it there. I was capable of carrying him as far as it took. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is [perksofbeingawaifu](http://perksofbeingawaifu.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Tracking tag is #fic: starboy
> 
> If you like, please leave kudos or comments! This fic has been a whirlwind. I came up with it and wrote it in a week and now it's over! Can you imagine? My first FINISHED fic.

I curled up next to my Starboy and we talked late into the night. He painted the stars on my ceiling and we fell asleep to their faint glow. I slipped out of bed when I heard the power come back on and brewed my morning tea.

I think I had it in my mind to let him sleep and when he woke I’d make him breakfast. However, when I came back up to watch him sleep, he looked tired and grey. I put my hand to his forehead and it burned.

“Eren,” I shook him awake. “Eren, wake up.”

“I’m sleepy,” he complained.

“Eren, you’re sick.”

“Yeah,” he yawned.

“What’s wrong, why are you sick? What’s going on?”

“I decided to stay. Let the others go without me,” he mumbled.

Oh god, the bed was soaked with sweat. He was clammy all over.

“I need to get you to the hospital,” I said, pulling him up.

He didn’t shock me anymore when he touched me. There were no more little golden sparks. No more stars. No more starlight. It was as if I were watching a light flicker and blink before fading into darkness completely.

_“I came back for you. Just for one day before we leave this place for good.”_

“They can’t do anything,” he said, his neck rolling limply.

“What’s wrong with you?” I gasped, cupping his face in my hands.

“I’m dying,” he said simply.

No. No not again. Panic set in.

“If I don’t go back, I die, but I couldn’t leave you again, so I’m going to stay here with you,” he murmured happily into my shirt.

“No, no you’re not. You’re going back.”

“It’s too late, they probably left without me.”

“No, you’re going!” I ordered, picking him up in my arms and struggling to get him down the loft stairs.

“I thought you said a life held in suspension wasn’t really living?” he asked groggily. “Just existing.”

“It’s still better than dying!” I shouted.

If I can just get him to the car. This was all starting to feel so familiar.

Oh god, this was all my fault. I put the idea in his head that he should stay. I was just being selfish! I only wanted him to stay so we could start over. I should have realized how foolish that idea was.

“Where are we going? Tell me so I can get you there!”

“The field.” he said, his lips dry and cracked as I buckled him in the seat.

I wove Erwin’s car in and out of traffic, slamming on the horn for anyone not going ten over. I’m surprised no cops pulled me over but if they had I would have led them on a chase until I got to Arlert farm. Once I passed the “Welcome to Trost!” sign, Eren’s eyes fluttered closed and he couldn’t open them. As I pulled underneath the dead tree where I’d parked my truck so many years, he began seizing.

“Just hold on, hold on Eren!” I shouted, struggling through the corn.

Eighteen years ago, I hadn’t been able to get Eren to safety but I was older, I was stronger and I was going to make it there. I was capable of carrying him as far as it took.

But as I hit the cleared circle where I’d first seen the beam of light all those years ago, he sighed once and then he was gone.

I set him down and shook him. He hung limp like a ragdoll. I put my ear to his chest. No heartbeat. I tilted his chin and breathed into it. Nothing. I started chest compressions.

“Don’t do this to me again. Don’t you dare!” I shouted.

“That’s not going to work,” a soft voice said behind me and I whirled around.

Erwin, Hanji, Mikasa, Jean, Armin, and several others I didn’t recognize stood at the edge of the field.

“Help him!” I shouted.

“Eren died. His time on this planet has passed and he cannot return,” the man said. “None of us can. At least not for long. And he used a great deal of his energy on his way to meet you.”

The man gave a nod at Hanji and Armin.

He knelt down and touched Eren’s forehead with a freckled hand and Eren gasped, his eyes opening wide.

 “Sorry Marco,” Eren apologized weakly. “You did warn me, but—“

“But you’re too stubborn and didn’t listen,” Marco smiled.

“Sorry,” Eren repeated. “Everyone, sorry.”

He couldn’t stand, but his feet lifted off the ground and he hung there in the air. The rest took their place, lining the edge of the circle. Hanji and Erwin’s side by side, Mikasa took Jean’s hand and the others all looked upward expectantly.

“It is time for us to leave,” Marco said, stepping back into a gap left for him.

I spun on the spot, realizing I should get out of the way.

“Erwin, you too?” I turned to him.

“I think…” Erwin said, squeezing Hanji’s hand, their wedding bands glinting at in the sun. “Yes. I’ve never been on an adventure like this before.”

“You’re welcome to join us,” Marco told me.

“Please, Levi,” Eren begged, hovering there in the air, extending his hand for me to take. “You and me and everyone we love and the stars.”

“I…I can’t,” I shook my head. “That kind of life, it’s just not for people like me. You understand, don’t you?”

“I do,” he said, brushing my hair off my brow. “Goodbye, Levi.”

His fingers slipped as he began to slowly spiral upwards and I had a sudden thought.

“Wait! You can’t forget your necklace! Wait, just one second!”

I sprinted to the car and grabbed it from the rearview mirror. Yet when I raced back to the center, the key clenched in my fist, the circle was empty. No sonic boom, no lights, just empty. Erwin and Hanji, Jean and Mikasa, Armin and all the others were gone. They left on a sunny but chilly day in November in 2014.

<*>

When I made it back out of the field Erwin’s car was crushed in two, so I managed to thumb a ride back to the city.

 Adjusting to life after an event like that was surprisingly easy. Sure, I was unemployed as my previous employers had decided to hop aboard the Starlight Express, but I bounded back. I have a job now working for the Trost City Management. It’s boring, but I get to set the budget for the annual potato festival. This year we get a parade. Wee.

No one ever investigated Eren’s reappearance or any of the others for that matter. No one investigated Hanji and Erwin’s disappearance. I still show up online as the lead suspect in a murder that wasn’t. Dr. Jaeger sends me postcards from Paris and Jakarta and Kuala Lumpur. People are friendlier now. Or maybe I’ve just learned to see them differently. At any rate, you’d think the Feds would be all over people who are vacuumed into the sky and then fall out of it. No men in black came to talk to me though. Maybe they didn’t bother because I wasn’t making waves about the whole thing. Probably too busy being terrible at their jobs.

Things changed, but they didn’t really. I made friends! New friends! It’s hard when the three people you cared most about leave. My main pal right now is Oluo. He’s a bartender. No, not my bartender, if that’s what you’re thinking. He just happens to tend bar and play a mean harmonica. We work out and play basketball. I’m terrible at basketball, I’m so short, it’s sad.

Sometimes I drive out to the field and sit in the bed of my new truck and watch the sky. Stars look a lot brighter. Maybe that’s because my eyes are better. Maybe it’s because I see green-gold eyes in every star.

In 1996 I fell in love with a boy named Eren Jaeger. In 2014 I fell in love with a Starboy.

I still debate over whether or not he was the same person or just some alien pretender. It doesn’t really matter. I loved him. Still do.

“I do wonder what life would have been like if I’d gone with you,” I said, sitting in the flat circle in the middle of the field.

I lit a cigarette.

“But you know. It is what it is.”

I shrugged. I come out into the field every now and then and talk to Eren. I don’t know if he hears me, but it’s nice to pretend he can. I know he said they were leaving the planet for good, but maybe my voice carries across the galaxy to wherever he is. I just want him to know that not everyone forgot him. That even though he left, he’s not really gone.

“You know I think I was hard on you Eren. I told you that I thought a life like that wasn’t much of a life, just existing. But before you came back I wasn’t doing anything but existing. I just kept my head down and went through the motions of life. You know, wake up, drink tea, eat, shit, go to work, pay taxes, work out, and go to bed. I told you my dream was to be free and I am. I’m free now. You gave me that freedom.”

I took a drag on my cigarette.

“Oh, I forgot, I made a list. Here—“ I pulled the paper out from my back pocket. “This is a list of things that had I left in 1996, like you, that I would come back for. Number one: Dippin’ Dots ice cream. The ice cream of the future. I fucking love that shit and you cannot find it anywhere now. Okay Number two: Orange Julius. They closed the stand at the Rose Mall for a Lush. Number three: MTV. Oh. Okay, I’m seeing a trend here. I fucked up this list. Shit. It was supposed to be things that I would come back for but I think I just made a list of things I wish I could go back in time for. Ah fuck it.”

I crumpled the list and tossed it.

“Let’s see, what else is new. Oh, Sasha is pregnant with another kid. I’m serious. This is number five. It’s weird because I literally cut myself off from everyone in high school but now I’m starting to get Facebook friend requests—you remember I explained Facebook to you last weekend, right?—and I might actually see what Farlan and Isabel are up to. He has some metalwork job. Isabel has a kid I think. I don’t think the dad is in the picture, but she’s the manager of a hotel somewhere upstate. Oh, my buddy Oluo, he joined a band and they played their first gig. It was awful, but it was $3 pint night so no one was sober enough to complain.

“And…yeah. That’s about all that happened this week.”

I was silent for a bit, pulling at some dry grass and blowing smoke in the air.

“I don’t know if you know what today is, but it is September 9th 2016\. That means, it is our twenty year anniversary. Not too shabby. So here, I’m going to propose a toast.”

I took out the bottle of scotch Erwin had gotten me. I never finished it after my initial attempt to give myself alcohol poisoning that one day. It sat on the shelf getting dusty waiting for a big occasion.

“Cheers. Happy anniversary. I miss you.”

I took a sip and then set it down. I still needed to drive back tonight so that would have to do.

After a few moments of silence, I cleared my throat.

“Um, actually there is something I wanted to talk to you about,” I said uneasily. “I’ve been coming here, oh say, once a week or once every other week, for almost two years. And with it being our anniversary and all I thought it might be a good time to bring it up. I’ve been seeing a shrink now and we’ve talked about me not coming out here. So, uh, this will be my last visit.”

I dug the necklace out of my pocket and set it down in the middle of the circle.

“So yeah, I guess this is goodbye for real this time.”

I threw down my cigarette and squashed it good.

“I miss you, Starboy.”

I started to leave and, just like I did every time, I paused at the edge of the circle. And just like I did every time, I turned around, expecting there to be someone behind me. No whoosh of air or beam of light, just weird feeling like I was being watched. The hairs on my arms would raise like there was a static current, like the feeling people describe before being struck by lightning. Yet every time I did so, there was no one there. Just my own imagination getting my hopes up.

Except this time, there _was_ someone there.

“Hello Earthboy,” Eren said, standing at the other edge of the circle, my necklace snug around his neck.

I felt a smile tug crookedly at my face.

“You’re the only one who gets to call me that,” I said, toeing the ground casually as I met him in the center. “I thought you left for good.”

“I convinced them to stick around for a little bit,” he grinned.

“You’re such a stubborn shit,” I laughed.

“Are you ready?” he asked, his head cocked to the side.

“Oh yes,” I nodded as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

I caught his chin and pulled him down into a kiss.

The moment his lips met mine I felt myself, my being, unravel like a thread only to be intertwined with his and then we were spread across the universe. Sometimes we’re dancing across the Milky Way, sometimes we’re playing tag across a moonscape, sometimes we’re between the synapses in your brain, or flowing through your veins, but wherever we are, we’re together and we’re happy. So go ahead, go outside and give a wave to the night sky. Maybe we’ll wave back. If we have the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roll credits to "Fade Into You" (cover)//Ben Harper
> 
> Thank you all for reading my fic! I hope you liked it! I'm actually tearing up a bit because it's over. T_T
> 
> If you did, please check out my other fics (all ongoing):
> 
> [Büsker Dü's and Don'ts.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1946151/chapters/4206144) SNK, ereri. Levi starts a war with the bucket drum busker who plays underneath his work window. After battling it out for weeks, they find out they have more in common than they previously thought and inspire each other to be the people they want to be. 
> 
> [The Red Long Johns or "Be Sure to Dress in Layers."](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2721347/chapters/6094883) SNK, ereri. Levi and Eren are chaperones who have very different teaching philosophies stuck in a cabin on a school wilderness retreat.
> 
> [Bull of Heaven](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2384210/chapters/5267891) SNK, ererivamika. Jack the Ripper AU! Mostly noir type story with lots of action/adventure and blood and gore.

**Author's Note:**

> For this first chapter I really wanted to emulate the tabloid grabbers of the 90s, most notoriously being JonBenet Ramsey. I was eight when she disappeared and on Christmas Day my dad grabbed me in this big bear hug and started crying. I wanted there to be a sense of loss. 
> 
> But I'm also terrible at writing drama so not to worry, there will be a great deal of silly, cheesy fic nonsense.


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